and Bananas Foster

The third episode of the second season of the so-called “reality” show “Ghost Hunters,” second half (continuation from Gumbo, same disclaimer applies).

We’re in pre-Katrina New Orleans, the French Quarter, with sprightly music and happy tourists, including those perpetual party people, The Atlantic Paranormal Society, strolling around and gawking at the lack of snow banks. Only Steve and Brian are wearing their gang colors, in prison bar grey TAPS-stenciled jackets and cap. Everyone else is undercover. They are headed for Brennan’s.

NEW ORLEANS

Monday 7:13 PM

Jason: “I got a call from Brennan’s Restaurant about a block away from Bourbon Street on Royale. Uh – they heard we were in town and wanted us to check it out. Supposedly they have a history of haunts in the building from entities appearing upstairs to dishes and plates banging in the kitchen, so we’re going to check it out while we’re down here.”

We see a voodoo-ish shop with statues and skeleton figures.

TM: Brian really ought to stop in and get some charms against the evil eye or something.

MB: The evil “J” more like it.

BRENNAN’S RESTAURANT 9:01 PM

A Brennan’s person greets them and ushers them upstairs. It’s Blake Brennan, Co-General Manager.

Grant doesn’t bother saying he’s here to help. He’s here for the grub.

Blake Brennan: “Let’s go on up to the Red Room. It’s good to have the TAPS guys with us.”

Jason: “We’ve heard a lot about the hauntings in this place.”

Blake: “Well, yes, the Red Room is – uh – very interesting.”

The Red Room has white wainscoting and red wallpaper, along with an elegant fireplace and a number of gilt-framed portraits. It is set with one big table, just for TAPS. It’s pretty fancy, what with the multiple forks and spoons, and fan-pleated napkins.

MB: Thank god they’ve dressed up a little. Relatively. At least the guys put sweaters over their t-shirts. But those pink and red hoodies…

TM: I guess it’s a working dinner.

MB: Yeah, investigating ghosts at Brennan’s is such filthy work.

TM: Creole sauce stains. Personally, I prefer jackets to sweaters and hoodies, because there are good pockets, for stashing the bread rolls.

Blake: “So here we are. This is where y’all are going to have some dinner tonight.”

Jason: “Look at this place.”

Blake: “The building was built in 1794. Different people have lived here as a private residence. Uh – this Red Room – it’s a beautiful room.”

Jason: “I love that chandelier.”

Blake: “This is one of the only gas-burning chandeliers that is still allowed to be in use in the United States.”

Jason: “That’s awesome.”

Grant: “It’s amazing. What the heck.”

Blake: “Our captain, David Sledd, will be in shortly, and please enjoy your meal, and bon appetit.”

Clapping all around the table.

A red-haired leprechaun appears. It is David Sledd, Brennan’s Captain. He addresses the table with great enthusiasm.

David: “Comment ça va?” He is smiling hugely, and has dimples.

Grant: “Ah! Ça va bien!”

David: “Bien! Bien! Welcome to New Orleans. It’s my pleasure on behalf of the Brennan family to be with y’all this evening, but before I even start talking about food, I know you’re interested in this room. This is the haunted dining room.” David Sledd obviously has to do this a lot, but he still enjoys it. He is beaming. The three portraits that you see here on the wall, that’s the LaFlore family, and they lived here right around the Civil War time. Mr. LaFlore was involved in shipping on the river. He arranged three funerals, came home, killed his lovely wife, killed his son, and Mr. LaFlore hung himself from this chandelier.”

TM: Mr. LaFlore had his portrait painted in the 18^th century. And his wife’s isn’t much later. Unless he slaughtered the family when he was in his 90’s, the leprechaun is fabulizing. And look at the stag heads on that chandelier! If that isn’t…

MB: Never mind dating everything. We like stories. We want to hear stories.

David: Now I tempted fate with this ghost one night. I had a party on the other side of these French doors here. They had all of their grandchildren in and they were like ‘David, you’ve gotta tell the ghost stories.’ I said ‘okay.’ I approached one of the junior captains. He was 27 years old, and I said, “I want you to come up to the room because I’m gonna play a joke on this family. I said I want you to get over in the corner behind the table. Put a sheet over yourself and as I’m telling the story to the little children, I want you to stand up over in that corner. He said ‘okay,’ so I had all the children standing right here and all of a sudden out of the corner – wooooooooo. Well, the little children – their eyes all went like this. We all laughed about it, but that night that captain died in his sleep. Twenty-seven years old. No apparent cause of death. I never did it again, never will do that again.”

Jason: “I understand that. Wow.”

The table is flummoxed. No one knows how to react. David Sledd has told this rather sad story with great animation, grinning and waving his arms.

MB: That’s a killer story! Even though it’s got nothing to do with ghosts, really. They can’t be sure it’s true, and they can’t argue about it. And there’s no good thing to say, either.

TM: Hee! I like the leprechaun! He’s totally stumped them.

Grant to Brian: “Why don’t you put on a sheet and stand in the corner?”

Brian: “Hell, no.”

Wine is poured, plates clink, dinner is devoured. Six plates of Bananas Foster are assembled at the table.

TM: There are seven people. Is someone on a diet?

MB: Steve’s afraid of bananas.

TM: That looks awfully good. Do you think we should add this encounter to the Wikipedia entry for Bananas Foster?

MB: No.

Jason: “So we’ve heard the rumors about this room. What about the rooms on the other side?”

Desha Tolar Kelly, Brennan’s Host: “I can tell you a couple of stories about the Chanticleer Room. If you’d like, I could even show it to you.”

The Bananas Foster is all gone, so Jason agrees to this.

Desha shows them to another upstairs dining room. It is yellow. There are no visible chanticleers.

Desha: “This is the Chanticleer Room. About two years ago, this was being remodeled and we had some painters hear overnight. We locked the restaurant so that nobody could get in. And they were right over by this window here. One of the painters looked out of the window and saw the face of an old woman looking in at him, and there were three or four painters in the room. They all saw this figure outside the window, and they all ran downstairs as fast as they could and broke through both sets of front doors with their bare hands, setting off the alarm. The police ended up coming, searching the building, and no one was here.”

Grant: “Wow.”

TM: Pshaw. They didn’t break through the doors with their bare hands. They pushed on some panic bars and walked out.

MB: People love to exaggerate. I’ve never ever understood why in my whole entire life.

TM: I’d rather hear about the former chef who haunts the kitchen. They put a knife and fork in his coffin when he died.

MB: He’s come back for a spoon?

TM: If there’s ice cream in the afterlife, maybe.

Grant interviews: “After hearing some of the stories from the staff, we decided we would stick around, investigate, and try and validate their claims.”

TM: Oops. Grant has forgotten the storyline, which is that Brennan’s has already asked the fabulous TAPS guys to take time out of their busy New Orleans schedule to stop by and investigate.

MB: That storyline which itself forgets that the only reason they are in New Orleans is to investigate Brennan’s, because the Myrtles is 100 miles to the north, and Labadieville is 80 miles to the west.

TM: They simply cannot keep straight any stories more Byzantine than a drive-by debunk-and-dash. You’d think they would have learned that in Altoona. And Fillerdelphia. And – I guess not. What am I thinking?

Grant, waving toward the Chanticleer Room: “All right, guys – most of what is going on is across the way here. We just gotta set up a couple cameras. I think we can nail it all.”

Jason, waving at the Red Room: “Also cover this area. Get the cameras, the DVR ready. When you get it ready, me and Grant will show you where they need to go.”

Brian is pulling equipment cases out of the van: “Holy shit! This is heavy.”

Steve: “After eating all that food, it’s pretty tough to do an investigation.”

Brian is back on the phone with his snoogie-woogums: “Okay, sweetheart. I love you, sweetheart.”

Jason is watching this, and folds his arms.

Brian: “I’m all right. You wanna do what?”

Steve hisses at him, sotto voce: “Hey! Dumbass! Off the phone!”

There is much hauling and setting up. Why do we have to see this everytime?

Lights out.

THE INVESTIGATION

BRENNAN’S RESTAURANT

Monday 10:10 PM

Jason addresses the troops: “This investigation is a small area. Me and Grant are going to hang back. If you guys need us let us know. We’re here, but I’d like to see what you guys do really without us. All right, make it happen.”

Jason interviews: “Brennan’s is an interesting place – very self-contained – uh – so it’s an ideal place to see if the team can go out and carry an investigation on their own.”

TM: Self-contained means there’s food and alcohol available. “Me and Grant” are going to go investigate the bar.

MB: Or he’s going in search of more Bananas Foster, and then a little lie-down. Yeah, this investigating on their own is so much piffle. When are they ever going to have to do that?

TM: Oh, you know. In the movie, Jason and Grant will be killed by zombies, and the team will have to struggle on alone.

MB: That sounds kind of good! New Orleans zombies?

TM: Worse. New Haven zombies. Zombies who can live through winter.

CHANTICLEER ROOM 10:50 PM

Paula: This is Paula and Kristyn where there’s been a woman or an apparition of a woman sighted at about ten to 11. Are there any spirits present here?”

Kristyn: “Can you show us a sign of your presence?”

Paula: “What do you think the difference between those questions are and – like – ouija board questions? I’ve always kind of wondered that.”

Kristyn: “It gives them a portal to come in.”

TM: TAPS thinks the Ouija Board is a gate directly to hell. I read that in Taps Revealed, I think.

MB: Well, that’s just – excessive. Except that…

TM: We are in hell.

MB: We are in hell, so they’re kind of right.

TM: But perhaps Kristyn speaks from experience, and she summoned up that inhuman spirit in her stepmother’s house with a ouija board.

MB: That would explain the jumpiness.

There is a heavy drum smash.

Kristyn: “What was that?”

It was the sound guy. Never mind.

THE INVESTIGATION

BRENNAN’S RESTAURANT

Monday 11:05 PM

Grant: “The night was goin’ pretty smooth out here. We were excited to have the dinner and investigate the place.”

Brian and Steve are wandering around with the thermal imaging camera.

TM: I like that they have to move around like semi-Siamese twins. In the dark. It’s like a very slow Survivor challenge. Without any of the excitement. Or those satisfying ejections from the tribe. And the food rewards. Actually, I take it all back. I hate this.

Steve: “Would you like to speak with us, please?”

Brian: “Is there a presence in here that would like to speak to us tonight?”

CHANTICLEER ROOM 11:16 PM

It’s March 1, 2005.

TM: So the Myrtles was…

MB: Last night.

TM: I hope they all had naps, or someone is going to get cranky.

Steve: “We’re going all along these areas where we’ve put lights down on all these spots that are supposedly haunted to see if we can’t find some kind of phenomena – thermal phenomena. Chair!”

The thermal imaging camera picks up a chair with bright markings on the seat.

Brian: “Would a chair be that hot? Ah – they were just sitting there.”

Steve whinnies: “Ahhhhhh.”

Brian: “Ass cheeks.”

Steve: “Ass cheeks. You’re right.”

Steve checks the room temperature: “60 degrees, 58 degrees, 59 degrees, 61 degrees, 60 degrees base temperature.”

TM: How is it that we are sitting here watching Steve take the temperature of a room? At least paint drying changes color.

Even Steve is bored: “Let’s go in that room where the guy killed his wife.”

Brian: “I don’t like investigating places where people die.”

TM: Isn’t that like – the point?

MB: I think he objects to murder. He hasn’t shown a problem with suicides.

TM: We’ve never heard Brian’s back story, have we? I mean, no one grabbed him in a graveyard, or overturned his television.

MB: Or haunted his childhood home. Maybe it’s “too personal.”

TM: Like Jason being privately contacted by the spirit of Harry Houdini.

MB: You can’t share that stuff with the hoi polloi. They would cheapen it. Look at the mileage you’ve already gotten with the green olives.

TM: And I just started.

Brian and Steve are going through the stairwell hall on their way to the Red Room. It is full of twenty-somethings drinking and talking.

Brian: “Pahty going on right now. Could cause us not to catch anything even if this place really is haunted. Ain’t nothin’ here, man.”

THE RED ROOM 12:04 AM

Brian is sitting with Steve, fuming: “Kinda sucks that we have to just let them party and stuff, and not be able to do the investigation. They’re having a blast over there.” He imitates chickens clucking, and then segues into incoherent gibbering. “Booh Happy Birthday you know the boop jaw and all the hell my name is over there from Tennessee.”

TM: What?

MB: I think he’s upset they weren’t invited to the party.

Jason enters a room where Jen is listening to headphones and Steve is sulking.

Jason: “What’s goin’ on, guys?”
Steve: “I think if they could stay at this volume, it wouldn’t be as bad.”

Jason: “Guys, I honest think we kinda got screwed tonight.”

Steve: “I do, too.”

Jason: “The investigation – we were supposed to have this whole top floor.”

Steve: “That kinda sucks. I mean, there’s no way around it.”

Jason, with venom: “We got screwed. Bottom line is we were supposed to have this whole upper level. We can’t perform an investigation in this.”

TM: I told you someone was going to get cranky.

MB: Yeah, I don’t think he had that nap.

Grant: “But then again, they did cook a kickin’ dinner, you know, and that hits me right in the heart. I’m a softie.”

Jason barely smiles.

MB: You have to admit – Grant really is nicer than Jason.

TM: Weasels, wolverines. I guess.

Jason interviews: “Tonight’s been a – a little bit of a tough investigation. It’s a great place, great food, great people, but we were told that they wanted us to investigate the top floor but they didn’t give us access to the whole top floor so it really inhibits our investigation.”

MB: Excuses, excuses.

TM: Bad Brennan’s. Stupid Bananas Foster.

So they gather up their gauges and go off in a snit.

TM: If they can’t find some ghosts after two whole hours of looking, they shouldn’t be calling themselves ghost hunters.

MB: They just don’t want to stay up late tonight. Too tuckered out from the Myrtles.

TM: Wimps. I once stayed awake for 63 hours straight. Of course, I started having hallucinations, but still…

The Gang of Four Guys gather at the van.

Grant: How do you think the team did? How do you think the other guys did?”

Steve: “Good. Good. Paula, you know, is good. Kristyn – tends to get in the way but not purposely and…”

Grant: “Mm-hmm. She’s still tryin’ to feel her place.”

MB: Which ought to be out on her ass, after behaving like a total ninny in Labadieville.

TM: She’d better pick up a skill, fast. Like dowsing. Or reiki.

MB: I suggest ouija-boarding.

Steve: “That’s probably the best way to put it. Jen does her thing – you know she’s great at watchin’ the videos. She’s diligent. She never… I haven’t heard her complain once while she sat at that video.”

MB: Poor Jen. She is either a saint or a halfwit.

TM: There’s no reason she can’t be both.

Jason: “Well, we’ve got what we can. Let’s get out of here, c’mon.”

Blake Brennan appears to see them off. Jason does his appreciating everything routine with an “awesome food” thrown in.

TM: Too little, too late.

MB: Sometimes I love the editors.

TM: It helps that Jason is so self-absorbed that he has no idea how he looks.

MB: Too true.

THE ANALYSIS

BRENNAN’S RESTAURANT

Wednesday 11:47 AM

Steve and Brian are cooped up in their Quality Inn room while everyone else is out whooping it up in the French Quarter. Steve is listening for EVP’s, and Brian is looking at the videos.

Steve: “Anything?”

Brian: “No, dude. How about you?”

Steve shakes his head. “We got like pots and pans and people hootin’ and hollerin’. That’s about it.”

Brian: “It’s crap, man. Crap. There’s nothing, you know. The only fun thing was that ass print on the seat.”

Steve: “Yeah.”

Brian: “Oh – it was Kristyn! It was Kristyn! Kristyn’s ass.”

Steve: Oh yeah.”

Brain: “Heh heh heh heh heh. We found the culprit for the ass cheek.”

Night time. Elsewhere, Jason is snuggled in bed with his laptop. Brian goes up to the roof top to call him on his cell phone from beside the scenically lit pool.

Brian: Just want to let you know at Brennan’s we got absolutely nothing.”

Jason: “Nothing whatsoever.”

Brian: “Absolutely nothing. We have nothing on the DVR system, the mini-DVR’s, the audio, the wireless audio…we got nothin’.”

Jason: “All right, cool. I’ll call Grant.”

MB: I just thought of something. Think of the archives of all the footage of nothing they must have. Hours and hours and hours of nothing.

TM: Days! Months! That’s kind of – awesome.

MB: It is.

TM: No wonder that archivist Jill seemed a little depressed.

THE REVEAL

BRENNAN’S RESTAURANT

Wednesday 9:00 PM

Jason and Grant sit down in the Chanticleer Room with That Bastard Blake Brennan Who Totally Screwed Them, by stuffing them with a free dinner and wine and Bananas Foster.

TM: The fiend.

MB: Really. It’s unforgivable.

TM: Jason wanted the cheesecake.

MB: The trout was overcooked.

TM: The birthday party people didn’t know who they were.

MB: It’s a cruel world.

Blake: “How – how we – uh – any – anything interesting? Any finds?” He waves his hands.

Jason: We ran into a few slight situations. You know we were supposed to be able to have a wide open area and you know – we didn’t get that area.”

Blake: “Right.”

Jason: “Which kinda inhibited the investigation. You got a business to run as well and that – you know we tried to work together…”

Blake: “The ghosts don’t seem to mind.”

There is some insincere chortling.

MB: I’ve often read that ghosts prefer convivial atmospheres.

TM: No wonder TAPS has only a 20% success rate.

Jason: “Well, you know – um – when it came down to it we really didn’t end up with any video evidence or any audio evidence.”

Grant: “But to come to a place that has this much service and this great food with hopes of catching paranormal is – I mean is – is too awesome for us.”

Blake: “Well, please come back, and then you can have some of our food again.”

There is more awkward laughter.

Jason: “That’s worth it.”

Thank yous are exchanged all around.

MB: Bah.

TM: Humbug.

Blake Brennan’s last words: “You hear about it or you see things on television about these types of investigations and you sit back in your chair at home and like – oh – is – is there something to that? Is it really true? Well, I’m here to tell ya, the TAPS guys blew me away.”

MB: Blew you off, you mean.

TM: No more free Bananas Foster for these ingrates, ever.

Night flies over New Orleans.

THE ANALYSIS

DEVILLE’S HOUSE

Thursday 10:15 AM

Steve: “Hey, Brian – let’s get back to that DeVille evidence.”

Because, yeah, they haven’t done that, being too busy running around the Myrtles and all.

Steve, Brian and Jen are on lockdown at the New Orleans Quality Inn, staring grimly at monitors.

Steve interviews: “Evidence analysis can be somewhat tedious – um – but you really have to not let yourself zone out.”

The sound guy provides some zippy guitars to wake them up. The editors make the 4-screen monitor split and merge dizzyingly.

Jen: “Oh – my eyes are crossing.’

Steve’s interview, continued: “You really do have to concentrate and make sure you’re looking at every little part for any evidence that might pop up (here Steve is popping something into his mouth, presumably potato chips, not evidence) and it’s when you do find that evidence after the hundreds of hours that it all becomes worthwhile.”

Speak of the devil…

Brian: “Uh, Steve – check that out. Watch camera 2.”

Camera 2 is situated at the far side of a room and is focused at a door.

Brian: “Watch the door open.”

Yowza! The door opens, and there’s nobody there!

THE ANALYSIS

DEVILLE’S HOUSE

Thursday 6:45 PM

We get to see the clip of the door opening again.

Brian: “See it?”

We see it again.

Brian: “Door opens – there’s no shadow. It’s like the door opens by itself and closes.”

Steve just stares. He is officially brain-dead. The heart-and-lungs transplant people are on their way.

Once more we watch an invisible something open a door, and pull it closed. It’s pretty freaky.

TM: Yikes!

MB: Creepy!

TM: That’s six whole seconds worth.

MB: That’s a little unnerving.

Brian gets out his cell phone to call Jason, because you can’t trust those landlines in hotels.

Brian: “Hey, what’s up, J.? Um – I got a little thing about the – uh – DeVille house? We got a little piece of evidence I want you to look at.”

THE FINDINGS

DEVILLE’S HOUSE

Thursday 9:58 PM

Jason and Grant return to check on the minions’ progress. Steve clears a space on the bed for Grant to sit. Jason takes Jen’s chair. Jen, being a minor minion, and not part of the Gang of Four Guys, has been dismissed.

Grant: “All right, so what do we got?”

Brian: “The – uh – DeVille house. You know on the first (vigil?) when you walk in the main door on the right hand side that second camera we put up? Check this out.”

The door does its act, swinging open about 50 degrees.

Jason has his skeptic face on, pursed lips, squinty eyes. We see the door close, pulled by nothing visible.

Jason: “It closes by itself?”

Grant: “Hold on. Do that again.”

Jason: “Is there something back there?”

Brain: “See – there’s nobody there.”

Grant: “Opening I can see, but closing itself?”

Jason: “There’s no shadow coming into the door. Well, also we got a reflection in the mirror right here.”

A mirror over a fireplace mantel, seen from the camera viewpoint, shows the upper half of the doorframe.

Steve: “Nobody’s there.”

The camera zooms in on the mirror, reflecting an empty doorway.

Brian: “That’s about the same time when he brought a lady over.”

Jason: “So this is it.”

Brian: “That’s it, man.”

Steve: “Just so you guys know, it does it again, as well.”

Jason: “It does it twice.”

Steve: “Yeah.”

Brian: “The second one it opens up only about a quarter of the way.”

Jason: “We need to check that door out. Thanks. I’ll see you later.”

He’s very grudging about the whole thing.

MB: You know, I don’t think he actually likes it when anything happens. It becomes this huge burden.

TM: Poor Jason. Out to prove the existence of ghosts, but hating it when they show up. That’s one of those quandaries! Of course, it doesn’t help that he thinks everyone is out to get him.

Brian: “All righty.”

Grant: “Good job, gentlemen.” He claps Brian on the shoulder, and shakes hands with him and with Steve.

Steve: “You’ll see yourself out, gentlemen?”

Jason: “It was a pleasure.” Sounding like it was anything but. Jason gets trapped into shaking Steve’s hand, but ignores Brian.

Jason interviews: “I just saw the evidence that Brian and Steve had found – a door opening twice, a door right inside the main door of the home. You know, it’s definitely strange that – that it twice – that it opened and closed and then it opened and closed again. So we really need to get down there and check it out.”

MB: Definitely strange?

TM: Definitely.

MB: But not a ghost?

TM: Did you see a ghost?

MB: No. I did not see a ghost.

TM: Well, then. Stop talking about ghosts. That’s crazy talk.

THE REVEAL

DEVILLE’S HOUSE

Friday 3:00 PM

Jason and Grant do their usual pre-reveal blithering on the way to Labadieville.

Jason: “This should be pretty interesting – uh – goin’ back sitting down with Bruce showing him what we’ve got. So that door opening and closing was happening at the same time – uh – Pam was in that living room with Bruce.”

TM: No, it wasn’t. It was hours and hours before that. It was when Ashley was in the living room with Bruce.

MB: You can’t expect him to remember petty details like that.

TM: He needs to keep his cap on. All the heat is escaping from his brain.

Grant: “So how do you think Bruce is going to take it? I mean he doesn’t want the place to be haunted.”

Jason: “Yeah, but then again he feels that it is haunted. He doesn’t want it to be haunted but he believes it is, so let’s see what happens.”

The SUV takes a bump in the dirt road fast enough to catch some air. Whee!

DEVILLE’S HOUSE Friday 4:24 PM

They probably didn’t even bother knocking but just barged in and threw themselves at that damn door.

Grant: “J. and I really want to get to the bottom of that door inside.”

Jason pushes the door around and peers at it.

Jason: “I want to try to debunk that door. There’s just many factors that could have fallen into play that day – the humidity could’ve made the wood swell. It’s just – there’s many reasons, but I can’t find any of ‘em.

TM: Many reasons – hmm.

MB: Sonic booms. And reverse sonic booms.

TM: I always like alien tractor beams.

MB: Elves. Elves are a possibility.

TM: I think elves are aliens. Phantom alligators?

MB: Tornadoes.

TM: Volcanoes.

MB: Jason is talking through his hat.

TM: His phantom hat.

They sit down with Bruce, who is wearing a different cap today, but backwards caps are evidently his signature mode.

Jason: “Any other activity since we’ve been here?”

Bruce: “Uhhhhh – I’ve heeard little things here and there. I mean it sound like somebody walkin’ around durin’ the night. It sound like wore boots, came in the front door, go in the first door to the right, and then seconds later slam it – doomp doomp doomp doomp – just like they was lookin’ for somebody or somethin’.”

TM: Creepy. I would hate that.

MB: And he can’t move upstairs to get away from it, because it’s worse upstairs.

TM: And apparently it’s even worse outside.

MB: He needs help.

TM: Too bad.

MB: Yep.

Jason: And that was in the first room to the right.”

Bruce: “Yeah.”

Jason: “Yeah, we got a couple things we’d just like you to take a look at. Now the room that you’re looking at is the first room to the right.”

Grant: “So just watch and – uh – let us know what you see.”

The door opens.

Bruce, vehement: “See – that’s what I’m talkin’ about! That’s stuff I’ve been experiencin’ – right there. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” He points to the door. “No shadows underneath the door, and there’s nobody in the mirror right there. The door open and closed by itself.”

TM: If they haven’t primed him with rehearsals, Bruce is a pretty quick study. He’s picked out all the major arguments pro paranormal.

MB: It’s not like he didn’t know what he was living with before they showed up. That’s Bruce’s sister’s bedroom, by the way, where he also hears the voices, or the ridiculous noises, or whatever.

Grant: “That’s what you’ve experienced?”

Bruce: “Yeah! Yeah! That’s what I’m sayin’ right there.” He’s pretty excited.

Jason: “We didn’t just catch this once. We caught this twice.”

Bruce: “Oh, really?”

Grant: “If you keep watching you’ll see it open again but not as much.”

We see a clip of the door opening and closing over about 30 degrees, and the course of about 3-4 seconds. This happens at 8:29 PM, twenty-six minutes after it opened the first time.

TM: Bizarro.

MB: Ghost.

TM: Invisible ghost.

Grant: “Jason had a good look at that door. It’s a heavy door and it’s on tight hinges. I mean if you push it, it doesn’t open all the way. It kinda…”

Jason: “It’s not gonna open by the wind coming in the home. It’s also not going to be opened and closed by the wind.”

Bruce: “So, that’s an indication of supernatural. People thought I was crazy.” He looks at them accusingly.

Jason: “We investigate the claims of the paranormal, man. Uh – we don’t have crazy.” There is some weak laughter from Grant and not terribly amused laughter from Bruce.

Bruce: “That door poppin’ open – there is supernatural here.”

TM: See, now he can take that footage to his insurance company and get that refund for his dateless 2004.

Grant: “Now one thing that we do have to tell you is yeah, we got a door opening and closing but that doesn’t solve your problem. And your problem remains that you’ve got something here that is bothering you, and – um – one thing we’ve had a lot of success with in the past is having people take back their house – put their foot down. Talk out loud and maybe even strike up a deal – when I bring someone home you hang back but when they’re gone you can look at me, you can talk – whatever you want.”

MB: Strike up a deal?

TM: Yeah, like – no leverage whatsoever.

MB: I’ve heard shouting works sometimes.

Jason: It really has to be a whole family effort. You need to be able to sit around and all request for this – whatever’s in the home to move on.”

Grant: “All right, well, Bruce…”

Jason: “Just keep us informed, that’s…”

Grant: “Please, keep in tough.”

They all shake hands.

In the car, Jason and Grant congratulate themselves, as usual.

Jason: “So that went well. I think – uh – he definitely seemed to get a little excited when he saw that we caught the door open and close twice.”

Grant: “Up until that point he wasn’t sure if he had really experienced these things or they were happening in his head.”

MB: He didn’t think he was crazy. He thought they thought he was crazy.

TM: Stupid Grant.

Jason: “Well, he did believe that – there to be activity there.”

Grant: “Yeah, I mean we caught some stuff we certainly can’t explain, but that doesn’t mean that we caught proof of a – of a ghost doing any of it. I think we gave him decent advice about how to put your foot down and just reclaim your house.”

TM: They must have given him more detailed advice off-camera, don’t you think?

MB: This keeps happening. Here-to-help Grant and I-honestly-believe debunk-and-dash, or don’t-debunk-and-dash, leaving a place exactly the same as when they arrived. Have they no shame?

TM: Some people are born without the ability to feel shame, you know.

MB: We call those people sociopaths.

TM: Maybe Jason gave him an industrial-sized jar of green olives.

Jason: “We’ll have to see what happens. Now we’ll be able to go home.”

Grant: “I know. Exactly. It’s been a loong trip.”

Jason: “It’s gonna be a long trip home. But when we get there it’ll all be worth it.”

Grant: “But at least we’re headin’ home, you know what I mean?”

MB: GOOD GOD THIS IS LAME.

TM: IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THIS LAME. THAT’S WHAT I TOLD YOU AT THE START.

MB: WELL, IT’S GETTING WORSE, NOT BETTER.

TM: THAT’S BECAUSE THEY KEEP REPEATING THEMSELVES, OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

MB: Okay. We don’t need to shout.

TM: Let’s go make some gumbo.

MB: I don’t have the ingredients for gumbo, but I’ve got some bananas.

TM: That will do.

Tags: Bananas Foster, Brennan's Restaurant, Brian Harnois, Bruce DeVille, door opening, ghost hunters, ghosts, Grant Wilson, Jason Hawes, Labadieville, Louisiana, New Orleans, paranormal, TAPS, The Atlantic Paranormal Society