Posts Tagged ‘Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum’

Hell Hath No Fury

November 19, 2008

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In the wake of the debacle which was the annual live Halloween broadcast for Ghost Hunters 2008, from Fort Delaware, in which Grant pitifully faked being accosted by a ghost and told to go away, he has opined that the only people who would stoop to question his veracity are haters of the show and the whole paranormal field.

Au contraire, ma pauvre petite belette.  Only the deeply disappointed would be so outraged, to the point of dissecting the lameness in excruciating, mortifying detail.  To wit – a former Ghost Hunters fan, named formerghfan, has labored mightily to reveal the Truth, in 3D.  It would be quite devastating, if the notion of shame were part of the TAPS world view.  Happily for Hans and Franz, it isn’t.

And there are more former fans rending their garments and crafting sorrowful videos, like this one.  A lengthy and fascinating print vivisection of the episode may be read here.

Mme. B. is off sulking somewhere (although I think she believes the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum juju is directly responsible for this current disgrace) so I feel safe in contradicting her.  Grant Wilson is Marianne Foyster.     Next, he will enter into a bigamous marriage, move to North Dakota, and die in obscurity. Or, not.  I hear he has been throwing coat hangers.

For Sham! TAPS En Vacance

September 30, 2008

In which the Atlantic Paranormal Society pretends to investigate the Winchester Mystery House, and then, in a tour de force of – something, “debunks” faked “evidence” on the haunted Queen Mary.  Who faked the evidence?  The Talking Mongoose has some ideas.

Now that we chumps at the Ouija Board know to our dissatisfaction that those hucksters of hauntings, peddlers of the paranormal, drummers of duplicity, TAPS, are working both sides of the fence, we’re not going to subject ourselves to the agony of examining episodes like the Bradley Playhouse yawner in depth. Life is too damn short. Mme. Blahblatsky has dogs to walk, and the Talking Mongoose has become enamored of Gordon Ramsay and Sir Alan Sugar. Where we focus our gimlet eyes from now on will depend on pure whim. It’s not like we’re going to run out of episodes anytime soon, as they’re being run off the Pilgrim production line as fast as Krispy Kreme makes doughnuts.

So per Talking Mongoose request, we’re off to California. This is a transcripty recarp of episode 211, the R.M.S. Queen Mary, of the “reality show” in which “Ghost Hunters” pretend to hunt and/or debunk ghosts.

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A Paranormal Bedlam, Act III

May 29, 2008

Previously, we went on an exciting investigation with “Ghost Hunters” at the former Weston State Hospital, now renamed the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum by its charming owner, asbestos heiress and mud bog racing enthusiast Rebecca Jordan, who is also, by some incredible coincidence, a lunatic. During the night, wild and crazy things happened. Strange voices were heard, mysterious footsteps were chased, orbs and shadows darted about, Jason and Grant saw a backwards-jetting apparition, and none of this was visible or audible to us. So – not completely convincing, but lively. Also, four out of seven TAPS members qualified for NAMI rehab boot camp.

Disclaimer: The quoted dialogue belongs to Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc., who should be looking over their shoulders for the imminent arrival of the NAMI goon squad after these loathsome production and editing choices, and also for the wheels of karma, which can pack a really good wallop.

Now’s the time for all that vaunted TAPS scientifical methodology to show us why they are so much better than all those other paranormal groups “out there.” Because it’s evidence analysis time.

THE ANALYSIS

WESTON, WEST VIRGINIA

TRANS-ALLEGHENY LUNATIC ASYLUM

MONDAY 10:25 AM

TAPS is staying at some hideous “post-modern” chain hotel which evidently didn’t give them a good enough rate to warrant having their name prominently displayed.

Steve, Dave and Joe and their equipment are spread out at a large table in a function room, instead of being jammed around a desk in a guest room.

MB: Which makes that signless shot of the hotel more perplexing.

TM: Don’t you know, they wanted everything comped, including an all-you-can-eat breakfast, and didn’t get it. Payback, bitches!

Steve interviews: “Today, Tango and I have Joe Chin with us and I’m gonna offer him some training and try to get him up to speed on how to review the evidence. We’re gonna start him off light on audio.”

TM: Heh – start him off light with audio.

MB: Watching videos of nothing is hard.

Steve in scene: “Now, Joe – uh – when you’re listening to the audio you wanna get yourself used to all the noises you’re hearing, you wanna get yourself used to what investigators are in the room. An – anything you can ever think of that you hear that doesn’t sound like it fits, make note of it. Okay?”

Joe has been nodding: “Okay.” Yeah, this is really complicated, but Joe is strong, and shows no sign of breaking under the pressure.

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A Paranormal Bedlam, Act II

May 25, 2008

Previously, in the Mme. Blabhblatsky/Talking Mongoose recarp of Episode 409 Haunted Asylum of “Ghost Hunters,” we tried to adjust to radical changes at TAPS after traveling forward in time a jolting three years. Our favorite nerds were gone. Jason had strange facial hair. An “actress” was “acting” on this “reality” show. And in this episode, TAPS were hitting a new low as they joined forces with asbestos princess and velociraptor Rebecca Jordan, owner of the recently re-christened Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum and Mud Bog Racing Ground in Weston, West Virginia. Ms. Jordan gleefully told us of lobotomies and other zany bits of her new toy’s history. Grant Wilson had a good laugh over “date night.” Dave Tango pretended to hang himself. Everybody was having a really good time at the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, and they like saying that name a lot. Because lunatics are so – entertaining!

Speaking of lunatics, disclaimer: Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. owns the quoted dialogue. And again, ew.

The investigation begins.

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