Posts Tagged ‘thermal imaging camera’

Holy Grail, Holy Crap II

October 30, 2009

TM:  Someone sent me a link to a supposedly haunted doll a few months ago, which I showed to Mme. Blahblatsky and she shrieked “My eyes!  My eyes!”  It seemed she was looking at a picture of the doll in the arms of our favorite ghost hunters, Hans and Franz, and objected to them more than the doll.  I have been reminding ever since, lo these many months, that we have unfinished business here, and it might be good therapy.  So as it’s Halloween, she’s agreed to come back and heap some abuse on the Warwick mountebanks, in honor of the season.

MB:  Lordy.  It has been months.  Okay, almost edging into years.  I got really really peeved after that Fort Delaware debacle last Halloween, and frankly, I don’t think  Ghost Hunters is worth a red cent at this point, but the Talking Mongoose has talked me into continuing.  I’d finished the transcript way back in Ought-8, so all we had to do was – god help us – watch it again and complain.

We left Taps stranded in Eureka Springs, Arkansas, half-way through episode 213 of Ghost Hunters, right after they presented  the thermal reflection of Grant on a metal locker as a ghost.  Grost.  Ghant.    We don’t think they can really cap this, but the Talking Mongoose says they’re going to get something special next.  So let’s see.

The disclaimer from part one still applies – dialogue, Pilgrim, oil drums, blah blah blah.   (And now we think we know the origins of the Montauk monster.)

THE PITCH

DR. ELLIS’ HOUSE

THURSDAY 3:00 PM

The gang has assembled at the van for a pep rally.

Jason: “This home’s supposedly one of the most haunted homes around this area. It was a physician, Dr. Ellis.”

Grant: “Dr. Ellis – he was the guy that supposedly came out of the elevator and went to that room.”

Dustin: “Right.”

Donna: “Oh, really?”

Grant: “This is his house.”

Jason: “Let’s get over there, let’s hear the stories and take it from there one step at a time.”

Grant: “We’ll play it by ear.”

TM:  As opposed to pre-planning hoaxes.  We’re going to be more spontaneous.

MB:  Hoaxes?

TM:  Just kidding.  You know me.

Jason: “All right, guys?”

Steve: “Cool.”

Jason: “Let’s get out of here.”

The black caravan trundles through downtown Eureka Springs. [can a ghost be in 2 places?] Jason, Grant, and Steve approach the door of a Victorian house.

Jason: “Hi, Carroll?”

Carroll Heath, Homeowner: “Gentlemen? Yes.”

Jason: “Hi, I’m Jason from TAPS.”

Carroll: “Jason.”

Grant: “Grant.”

Carroll: “Grant.”

Grant: “This is Steve.”

Steve: “Nice to meet you, Carroll.”

Carroll: “Nice to meet you, gentlemen. Please come in.”

THE INVESTIGATION

DR. ELLIS’ HOUSE

THURSDAY 6:39 PM

Carroll interviews: “I certainly hope that TAPS gets on film our unseen friends. Anything we get on film will be really very wonderful.”

TM:  He doesn’t know about the grost.

MB:  Ghant.

TM:  The grostly ghant.

MB:  This house better not be ghanted, that’s all I can say.

TM:  Er…

MB: What?

TM:  Nothing.

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Moss from the Myrtles

March 6, 2008

A Ouija Board regarding the first episode of the second season of “Ghost Hunters,” the show that purports to bring us into the thrilling world of paranormal investigations.

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose try to argue the finer points of whether the Myrtles Plantation show was good television or not. They fail.

TM: Oof.

MB: Yeah.

TM: You want to talk about those ghosts dashing across the thermal imaging camera?

MB: Eh. Who cares?

TM: So. How about the new office, huh? Although I had gotten rather fond of that trailer.

MB: It’s not that I don’t know full well that the subject of ghosts is inherently boring once you get past the superficial strangeness. But does this have to be made so painfully obvious on these shows? I mean – why not throw us scraps like the silly back stories of Chloe and her severed ear instead of making us listen to Grant and Jason jaw about how Brian is going to screw up next? What have we ever done to them that we have to watch the van get work benches installed? I liked being able to see the Myrtles at last, but did they have to make it so goddamn dull?

TM: There are people out there who get all exercised over the fact that they think Grant faked the moving lamp, you know.

MB: Pft. TAPS and Pilgrim even made that boring. A lamp moved for over four minutes on camera and they made it look like nothing. If you’re going to create a hoax, you should at least have the decency to throw in some drama.

TM: Yeah, well – I told you this whole thing was a bad idea. But now we can’t stop watching because we’re invested in finding out how awful it can get.

MB: Awesomely awful.

TM: Yeah.

MB: Well, that’s something.

TM: There’s always something. Like “me and Grant.”

MB: “Me and Grant” are always good for some ghastly dumb thing.

TM: You want me to do the next episode?

MB: Please.

 

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Ouija Board rating: NON and NON

 

 

Favorite Bits

Mme Blahblatsky:

Line: “I’ve given you more than enough lean way.” (Jason, to Brian)

Moment: The shadow on the porch. Ghost or not.

The Talking Mongoose:

Line: “As TAPS moves ahead, will Brian be left behind?” (the narrator)

Moment: Steve getting mad at Brian for looking at laundry steam with the thermal imaging camera.

The Myrtles

March 2, 2008

Mme. Blahblatsky here doing the recarp. The Talking Mongoose is still perking like an old coffee pot about the first season of the quasi-reality show Ghost Hunters,” and will join me later for a Ouija session. For now, I’m on my own with the first episode of the second season, and it’s just as well. The Myrtles holds a special place in my heart. If you’ve spent any time reading up on ghosts in America in the past several decades, you must have heard of the Myrtles.

I’m not such a fan of “Ghost Hunters” as I was before I started this blog a mere two months ago. Now it’s more like a sick fascination. I can’t stop watching and taking notes. It is such a watery stew of incoherent speech, inaction, and irresolution that occasional lumps of carrot give greater pleasure than they should.

Anyway, I was both delighted and appalled to realize TAPS had gone to the Myrtles. What havoc would they wreak with the Louisiana mansion of my imagination? Eh, well, it’s TAPS, so – not so much. They just managed to make it sort of dull.

Disclaimer: All the astoundingly stultifying dialogue I have kindly transcribed for no pecuniary consideration whatsoever belongs to Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc.

The narrator announces big doings at The Atlantic Paranormal Society.

Narrator: On this episode of Ghost Hunters, TAPS gets a new headquarters, and new faces, but as TAPS moves ahead, will Brian be left behind? And then Jason and Grant head deep into the bayous, but will they be ready for what awaits?

CREDITS – are same as last season, except – no twin demonologists! That is not a good omen. I already miss Carl and Keith. No Andy Andrews. And two new women – PAULA RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT, and KRISTYN FIELD INVESTIGATOR. Nobody gets last names in the credits. I guess that would confuse us, because we aren’t very bright.

Opening shot of Warwick City Hall, and a street banner of Historic Apponaug Village. Warwick seems pretty interesting. Why don’t we ever get to hunt ghosts in Warwick?

TAPS HEADQUARTERS

It’s winter, because there are three-foot high snowbanks in front of a small one-story brick storefront. Two guys in hooded parkas are shuffling along the sidewalk. It’s Jason and Grant, who, with the success of the first season of Ghost Hunters and the complaints of the neighbors spurring them on, have moved The Atlantic Paranormal Society out of the mini-construction trailer parked on Jason’s front lawn.

Jason in voice-over: “My name is Jason Hawes and I’m a plumber for Roto-Rooter. I’m the founder of TAPS, the Atlantic Paranormal Society. I started it back in 1990 after having my own paranormal experience. TAPS was also designed to help the people who believe they’re having a paranormal situation. We’re here to help out whoever needs us.”

Unless, of course, you’re seriously crazy, in which case you’d better hope your friends and relatives have your best interests at heart and don’t go inviting TAPS in to exploit your craziness.

Jason unlocks the front door of the new office space. Inside, there are dust covers over some furniture. They need to get organized. They’ve got to get it done because cases are waiting, impatiently. People all over the country are desperately waiting for TAPS to come and debunk their paranormal situations.

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