Posts Tagged ‘hauntings’

St. Augustine Lighthouse: The Mona Lisa of the Paranormal II

February 8, 2010

The Talking Mongoose and Madame Blahblatsky are recarping episode 219 of Ghost Hunters, the end product of which should have been the white crow of The Atlantic Paranormal Society.  Unless it was a black crow.  We don’t know.

TM:  It could be black and white.  Striped.

MB:  You’re just saying that to encourage me to go on.

We left Jason and Grant recovering at Mission Control after chasing a crow ghost up the stairs at the St. Augustine Lighthouse, or so we are to believe.  See Part I here.

st. augustine lh interior

Lovely photo courtesy of www.flickr.com/photos/wordridden/9157511/

Steve’s fear of heights is keeping him out of the lighthouse with its 140-foot high spiral staircase.  Brian and Dustin have been sent in.

Lighthouse Tower

2:02 AM

Brian: “Can you hear me?” He whispers: “Dude, it’s responding to us.”

Dustin interviews: “It started when Brian and I get to the landing, we started giving the hellos, and we’d actually get a response.”

Brian: “These kind of responses or something…”

Dustin: “It sounded like a whisper.”

Brian: “Helloo!”

MB: Eek! I heard a squeaky hello just now.

TM: Pft. That could be the sound guy.

MB: Don’t be such a spoilsport.

(more…)

St. Augustine Lighthouse: The Mona Lisa of the Paranormal

January 29, 2010

St. Augustine Lighthouse

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose recarp St. Augustine Lighthouse, episode 19 of the second season of the putative reality show Ghost Hunters, in which a couple of fake plumbers continue their attempts to become paranormal answer to Penn and Teller.

MB:  Hey – what did you do to that lighthouse?

TM:  I shortened it, for Steve and his acrophobia.

MB:  How thoughtful.

So it’s been a while since we’ve done this.  The Talking Mongoose has been nagging me (Mme. Blahblatsky, the default secretary of the Ouija Board), insinuating that we are missing out on some fabu stuff by abandoning ship in the middle of the second season.  There’s no way I’m going to continue to transcribe every single asinine episode, but I’ve consented to do a few select ones.  The Talking Mongoose promises this one makes up for the other lighthouse episodes.

TM:  I did not.  I said it might.

MB:  I thought there was going to be a real ghost!

TM:  I don’t know. Maybe.  Maybe not.  Who can tell?

MB:  There’d better be.

Disclaimer: Sole proprietorship and full blame for the quoted dialogue belongs to Pilgrim Films & Television, Inc., who saw fit to disseminate it on the public airwaves. We still think they’ve got an illegal dump for the out-takes  somewhere off Block Island.

Announcer: On this episode of Ghost Hunters, TAPS hunts for spirits in Florida’s oldest lighthouse. Will Steve’s fear of heights hamper the investigation? And what has the team frantically running up the stairs?

There is a lot of fast-cut commotion.  Then Brian issues the singular judgment:  “This is the Mona Lisa of all paranormal activity.”

MB:  Well, that’s all I need. I’m in.

TM:  I told you so.

The old credits roll, with everyone trying to look extra-dashing and earnest.

TM: Look! Donna is still the case manager.

MB: And Brian has been reduced to a mere investigator, but why is Dave still an investigator-in-training when he’s the only one who figured out the Queen Mary hoax?

TM: That would be why!

MB: Oh. Look.  Race Rock Lighthouse, when we were all younger and stupider.

TM: I miss those days.

MB: Me, too.

(more…)

Queen Mary Queries

October 9, 2008

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose grouse about the highly unsatisfactory TAPS “investigation” of the haunted Queen Mary, per Ghost Hunters episode 211, as recarped in For Sham! Part II.

MB: I’m still trying to understand how this happened. TAPS goes to a public hotel with 365 rooms on the upper decks of this gigantic ship. They set up an independent camera in the “haunted” room, not hooked up to any monitoring system, leave it running, leave the door unlocked…

TM: Heck, for all we know, they left the door open, and put a big sign outside saying “ghost hunt in progress – stop and say hi!”

MB: They leave the door – no – doors – multiple doors unlocked, leave the room totally untended, go off down into the bowels of the ship thousands of feet away to frolic for hours, and then pretend to get all distressed over the camera being messed with by “unknown” people. WHY? That’s what I want to know. I can actually understand why they would want to fake a door opening at the DeVille house and do a fake non-debunking. It was exciting! I bought it. You bought it. Countless  chumps all over bought it. But what good does it do them to fake fakery on the Queen Mary? That’s just whacky.

TM: No, it’s not. It’s perfectly logical. You pointed it out yourself. There they are, in what is supposedly one of the most haunted places in the world, and they leave with footage of fakery. What if the hoax had not occurred?

MB: Then they would have had – uh – FLIR footage of a hot water tank in the engine room, and…  a nice breakfast?

TM: The dreaded PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. Most Haunted had just spent three weeks – three weeks! – investigating the Queen Mary. Low-budget Ghost Hunters had one night, maybe two. They probably didn’t know what the Most Haunted crew got, which would have made them even more paranoid, although maybe Erika Frost told them?

MB: And what did Most Haunted get?

TM: Eh – wet footprints by the empty pool leaving salt deposits, i.e. saltwater.

MB: Cool!

TM: Yeah, I don’t know. I think it’s hooey.  Never mind that. My point is what is going on in the teeny-tiny pea brains of TAPS’ lead investigators? What are they going to do here to make an impression?

MB: It would have been mortifying for them to find no evidence.

TM: Can you see Jason and Grant swaggering off the Queen Mary and announcing it’s not haunted? After all the other investigations done there? You can’t do a drive-by debunking of the Queen Mary. They are nowhere near that sure of themselves. And one of the reasons they aren’t that sure of themselves is because they cheat. So even though they assume everyone else cheats because they cheat, it also makes them think that everyone else can figure out that they cheat, which is why they are so bloody paranoid about being exposed as cheaters. Which is more veranoia than paranoia, but…

MB: You’re going off on a tangent.

TM: I know. But I was on a roll, and it just hit me why they throw people out of their forums and why they dump inconvenient TAPS family members.

MB: So the guys who are trying to set themselves up as the big American ghost hunters of the 21st century can’t afford to hang around the Queen Mary waiting for “scientific” evidence, but they’re too embarrassed to leave without something. Therefore…

TM: Bait and switch. Pre-emptive strike. Smoke and mirrors. Divert the attention elsewhere. It doesn’t even matter what the initial intention was, because it worked either way. Let’s say Grant did it, not expecting anyone would figure it out.   Other than, of course, his partner in crime Jason, and at least someone at Pilgrim.

MB: Hoaxing on the Queen Mary must have been a cakewalk compared to hoaxing in the DeVille house.

TM: Then Dave Tango has to go and be all smart-ass, and while they may not have “undebunkable evidence” of a ghost in B-340, now they have Dave heroically rescuing them from being “tricked.”

MB: Don’t you know Steve hated that? And then everyone gets all depressed over being nearly done in by dastardly hoaxers, and it’s such a huge and  smelly red herring that nobody even notices that they didn’t find any ghosts on the Queen Mary, and they don’t have to make fools of themselves by finding nothing, because they did find something.

TM: And they don’t have to say the Queen Mary isn’t haunted, because they had personal experiences, but – so sad – didn’t catch anything on film, sorry. And everyone’s happy.

MB: That’s sick.

TM: Isn’t it great?

MB: No, it is not! I can’t believe anything anymore. What’s left? Anything from the second season on is suspect. What’s left? Race Rock Lighthouse?

TM: Uh, about that…

MB: No. I do not want to know.

TM: Yeah, but…

MB: NOT NOW. I need some time to get used to all this. You know, I didn’t start this blog to be a naysayer. I wanted to do recaps, not recarps.

TM: I know. Poor Mme. Your idols turned out to have feet of clay, only not even real clay, but that kind you make out of cheap white bread and Elmer’s glue, which the weevils then eat.

MB: Oh, shut up. The paranormal field always has and always will be full of fakery. That I thought these idiots were going to be any different is just indicative of my innate chumpiness. Gullible? I still believed in the Easter Bunny when I was nine.

TM: You still believe in the Easter Bunny.

MB: Oh, shut up.

TM: If it’s any consolation, I still think a ghost shoved Frank DiAngelis.

MB: That’s probably because you so want the New Bedford Armory to be haunted.

TM: Not at all. Really. Hey, you know what we could do? We could dowse for answers to all our questions.

MB: You mean I could dowse for answers to all our questions. You couldn’t find water unless you fell into a well.

TM: Just get out the old pendulum and let’s see what it thinks. It’s just as reliable as those TAPS knuckleheads blabbering about Science, Truth and Honesty all the time.

MB: Sigh. You’re not wrong.  Okay. Let’s go.  Pendulum, would you please answer the following?

TM:Who moved the bed covers in B-340 on the Queen Mary on the night of 26 July 2005?

Dave Tango: NO

Grant Wilson NO

Erika Frost: NO

Jason Hawes: YES

Steve Gonsalves: NO

Donna LaCroix: NO

Pilgrim crew: NO

Girls gone wild: NO

TM: Color me surprised! I wouldn’t think Jason would do it, because I think he likes deniability, but hey – the pendulum knows all!

MB: Eh. Next.

TM: Was it a conspiracy?

YES

TM: Is the Queen Mary haunted?

Big YES

MB: Well, this is stupid. Should we continue with this?

Big NO.

TM: Ask it if Sarah Palin is an alien-human hybrid with toxic green blood.

MB: Hunh. Pendulum says big YES.  I think it’s time to take the dogs for a walk.  I need some fresh air.

TM:  I need to go check out that stairwell behind the infamous moving chair.  I kind of like these conspiracies.

MB: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.  LA LA LA LA LA.

TM:  You can’t keep your hands over your ears forever.

MBWHAT???  I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOUU.

(Next on the Ouija Board –  the Talking Mongoose predicts Mme. Blahblatsky will have an apoplectic fit over some FLIR footage dear to her heart.)