Bright Light

me. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose recarp the sixth episode of the second season of the pitifully scripted reality show “Ghost Hunters.”

Disclaimer: All of the transcribed conversation belongs to Pilgrim Film and Television, Inc., who recycle it into new shoes for the third world.

Narrator: “In this episode of Ghost Hunters, Andy encourages Jason and Grant to investigate a haunted lighthouse but will it meet their expectations? Then, TAPS travels to New York to investigate a 19^th-century house. Does the spirit of the original owner haunt the house? Will the rift in TAPS threaten the investigation? Will Jason be forced to split up the team? And Brian comes to a TAPS-changing experience.”

Well, Andy is looking even more crazed than usual, and lighthouses are always kind of fun, and at last, all the ominous Brian business must be coming to a head, so this episode has to be more entertaining than the last one.

MB: I can’t even remember the last episode anymore. My brain has blessedly blocked it out.
TM: It was that traumatic.
MB: I guess.

Still, the frenzied drumming and whirling of the intro music of incessant drums has become as distressful as the whine of a dentist’s drill.

Credits: Carl and Andy are the guest-starring TAPS crew (except Carl never shows up).

TAPS HEADQUARTERS

WARWICK, RHODE ISLAND

Andy has burst into Jason and Grant’s office, and is settling himself, puppylike, at their virtual feet.

Andy: “Hey guys! Got a minute? Okay. Are you familiar with Ledge Lighthouse?” He moves his head as if he has a weird crick in it, but it is probably an interrogatory gesture.

Jason: “Yeah, we passed it heading out to Race Rock.”

Andy: “Exactly. I think the first time I kind of became aware of it was when I was watching one of those kind of ghost clip shows. And these two Japanese investigators ended up getting cornered in one of the lighthouse rooms. All of their equipment was like flying all over the place. They couldn’t make it to the door. By the end of like this maybe 20-second clip they’re crying in the corner.”

MB: That wasn’t on Sightings. I would have remembered that.

TM: Me, too. Humph. Crying in the corner? I already don’t believe it.

Grant: “Can you see it now? I mean, I haven’t seen it.”
Andy: “I haven’t seen it since.”

Jason: “Because of that, Ledge got a reputation of being one of the top ten most haunted lighthouses out there.”

Grant: “Yeah, I was gonna say it’s on that list – the top ten list – right, or top twenty or something like that.”

MB: What, there are enough haunted lighthouses that they can have a top ten haunted list?

TM: Where have you been living? Under a rock? We’re in the internet age. There’s a list for everything. Here’s one without Ledge Lighthouse, and here’s one with Ledge Lighthouse. There are more if you’re interested.

MB: Uh, no. Two is plenty.

False Alarms

A “Ghost Hunters” recarp by Mme. Blahblatsky

The Talking Mongoose tells me this program is supposed to be viewed and judged as entertainment. I remember when I thought it was kind of entertaining. This episode, however…

The Talking Mongoose refuses to help out on this one, except for the rude Disclaimer, so I am on my own. And I’m still in a bad mood. Boredom makes me even crosser than stupidity does. Put the two together and my brain crashes. This is the fifth episode of the second season. Only seventeen to go, sob. And then the third season. And the fourth? I may not make it.

Disclaimer: You know. Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. blah blah blah. Own it, bozos. This is your stupefying product. Proud of yourselves? You’ve reduced Mme. B. to a pale shadow of her normal frolicsome self.

The Narrator, who probably cries himself to sleep every night: “On this episode of Ghost Hunters, while Jason and Grant investigate an historic playhouse, Brian’s attention is somewhere else. His distraction affects the whole team, and forces some tough decisions. And then, TAPS investigates a haunted firehouse. Is Steve over his head as the TAPS tech manager? And what will Jason and Grant uncover at the old firehouse?”

There’s a closing shot of Steve, open-mouthed, which pretty much sums it all up.