Archive for April, 2008

“Ghost Hunters” 2005 Timeline

April 29, 2008

A Work in Progress

I have given up being obsessed with the fake timeline of this fake reality show, as it had a bad influence on Mme. Blahblatsky, who got a little overwrought about all the fake trips south this season. But it’s still intriguing to keep track of when TAPS really goes where. Source of dates is the time-stamps on camera footage.

January 29 Saturday Scovil-Bentley-Baker house, Grafton, MA (Episode 202)

February 12 Saturday Bradley Playhouse, Putnam, CT (Episode 205)

February 26 Saturday DeVille house, Labadieville, LA (Episode 203)

February 28 Monday Myrtles Plantation, St. Francisville, LA (Episode 201)

March 1 Tuesday Brennan’s Restaurant, New Orleans, LA (Episode 203)

March 11&12 Friday-Saturday U.S.S. North Carolina, Wilmington, NC (Episode 204)

March 13 Sunday Mordecai House, Raleigh, NC (Episode 204)

March 26 Saturday Harris Firehouse, Coventry, RI (Episode 205)

April 9 Saturday Tanguay House, Springfield, MA (Episode 207)

April 28 & 29 Thursday-Friday Ledge Lighthouse, New London, CT (Episode 206)

May 14 Saturday Merchant’s House Museum, New York City, NY (Episode 206)

June 1 Wednesday Sutcliffe House, Harrisville, RI (Episode 207)

July 22  Friday Winchester Mystery House, San Jose, California (Episode 211)

July 26  Tuesday Queen Mary, Long Beach, California (Episode 211)

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S.S. TAPS

April 28, 2008

The Ouija Board assessment of “Ghost Hunters” episode 206 (Ledge Lighthouse and Merchant’s House Museum) – Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose rate the entertainment value of the ghost hunt recarped in Bright Light, Big City.

TM: So. Entertainment. Was there any?

MB: I liked Thaxter Tewksbury. And Jerry Olsen’s throat-clearing ghost.

TM: I liked Pi Gardner baring her teeth at Jason when he tried to shake the stove.

TM: We’re sick of TAPS, aren’t we?

MB: I think I’ve lost the will to transcribe with Brian gone.

TM: Aw.

MB: No, really. Whenever I found myself cackling madly over a scene, Brian was usually in it. The others just make me groan.

TM: But Brian was sinking the ship. The S.S. TAPS was foundering on the rocks and about to go down!

(more…)

Big City

April 27, 2008

Continuing the recarp of the sixth episode of the second season of the faux-reality show “Ghost Hunters,” Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose finish off Bright Light.

Disclaimer: The dull and stilted conversations Mme. Blahblatsky has laboriously typed out belong to Pilgrim Films and Television Inc.

The narrator promised us a TAPS throw-down and a startling development on the Brian front. So we’re still waiting, but we’re not holding our breaths.

TM: I am. I want to see hair-pulling.

CASE #2 MERCHANT’S HOUSE MUSEUM

Saturday 2:13 PM

Another schoolroom grouping has been assembled at TAPS headquarters. Steve and Dustin in the front-row chairs, and Paula and Andy perched on stools behind them, eagerly await the arrival of their overlords. Jason sweeps in first, distributing “what’s up”’s, followed by Grant. It’s Grant’s day to wear red – a sweater today.

MB: I hate red clothing.

TM: I’ve noticed. You might want to try to get over it.

Jason: “We’ve got a really interesting case. It’s one of the oldest brownstones in New York City.”

Grant: ‘It’s been unchanged for what – like 170 years?”

Jason: “Yes, it’s a museum. It’s still the original furniture, everything else in the house.”

Grant: “I guess what they’re experiencing there are noises, stove shaking.”

Jason: “Piano playing by itself. Let’s get the van packed up and get out of here, guys. We got a good trip ahead of us.”

The black vehicle caravan lumbers out of Warwick.

TM: If it were black camels, this would be so much more fun.

MB: Also, more eco-friendly. Black camels, like the ones that come for dead Shriners?

TM: Ooh, yeah. I’d forgotten that. Jason would look good in a fez.

Jason: New York is a different kind of city. I was born in upstate New York, so…”

Grant: “It’s a different world.”

Jason: “Eh, yeah, the city – it’s a whole different world.”

TM: Did you know that?

MB: I’d heard something.

(more…)

Bright Light

April 22, 2008

me. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose recarp the sixth episode of the second season of the pitifully scripted reality show “Ghost Hunters.”

Disclaimer: All of the transcribed conversation belongs to Pilgrim Film and Television, Inc., who recycle it into new shoes for the third world.

Narrator: In this episode of Ghost Hunters, Andy encourages Jason and Grant to investigate a haunted lighthouse but will it meet their expectations? Then, TAPS travels to New York to investigate a 19th-century house. Does the spirit of the original owner haunt the house? Will the rift in TAPS threaten the investigation? Will Jason be forced to split up the team? And Brian comes to a TAPS-changing experience.”

Well, Andy is looking even more crazed than usual, and lighthouses are always kind of fun, and at last, all the ominous Brian business must be coming to a head, so this episode has to be more entertaining than the last one.

MB: I can’t even remember the last episode anymore. My brain has blessedly blocked it out.
TM: It was that traumatic.
MB: I guess.

Still, the frenzied drumming and whirling of the intro music of incessant drums has become as distressful as the whine of a dentist’s drill.

Credits: Carl and Andy are the guest-starring TAPS crew (except Carl never shows up).

TAPS HEADQUARTERS

WARWICK, RHODE ISLAND

Andy has burst into Jason and Grant’s office, and is settling himself, puppylike, at their virtual feet.

Andy: “Hey guys! Got a minute? Okay. Are you familiar with Ledge Lighthouse?” He moves his head as if he has a weird crick in it, but it is probably an interrogatory gesture.

Jason: “Yeah, we passed it heading out to Race Rock.”

Andy: “Exactly. I think the first time I kind of became aware of it was when I was watching one of those kind of ghost clip shows. And these two Japanese investigators ended up getting cornered in one of the lighthouse rooms. All of their equipment was like flying all over the place. They couldn’t make it to the door. By the end of like this maybe 20-second clip they’re crying in the corner.”

MB: That wasn’t on Sightings. I would have remembered that.

TM: Me, too. Humph. Crying in the corner? I already don’t believe it.

Grant: “Can you see it now? I mean, I haven’t seen it.”
Andy: “I haven’t seen it since.”

Jason: “Because of that, Ledge got a reputation of being one of the top ten most haunted lighthouses out there.”

Grant: “Yeah, I was gonna say it’s on that list – the top ten list – right, or top twenty or something like that.”

MB: What, there are enough haunted lighthouses that they can have a top ten haunted list?

TM: Where have you been living? Under a rock? We’re in the internet age. There’s a list for everything. Here’s one without Ledge Lighthouse, and here’s one with Ledge Lighthouse. There are more if you’re interested.

MB: Uh, no. Two is plenty.

(more…)

False Alarms

April 16, 2008

A “Ghost Hunters” recarp by Mme. Blahblatsky

The Talking Mongoose tells me this program is supposed to be viewed and judged as entertainment. I remember when I thought it was kind of entertaining. This episode, however…

The Talking Mongoose refuses to help out on this one, except for the rude Disclaimer, so I am on my own. And I’m still in a bad mood. Boredom makes me even crosser than stupidity does. Put the two together and my brain crashes. This is the fifth episode of the second season. Only seventeen to go, sob. And then the third season. And the fourth? I may not make it.

Disclaimer: You know. Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. blah blah blah. Own it, bozos. This is your stupefying product. Proud of yourselves? You’ve reduced Mme. B. to a pale shadow of her normal frolicsome self.

The Narrator, who probably cries himself to sleep every night: On this episode of Ghost Hunters, while Jason and Grant investigate an historic playhouse, Brian’s attention is somewhere else. His distraction affects the whole team, and forces some tough decisions. And then, TAPS investigates a haunted firehouse. Is Steve over his head as the TAPS tech manager? And what will Jason and Grant uncover at the old firehouse?”

There’s a closing shot of Steve, open-mouthed, which pretty much sums it all up.

(more…)

Less Is Mordecai

April 13, 2008

A Ouija Board

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose discuss the entertainment value of Ghost Hunters” episode 204 (Mordecai House) as witnessed in Time Travel with TAPS.

MB: So once I got some distance I thought this wasn’t a bad episode.

TM: Says the person who didn’t have to do the commenting.

MB: Who did the effing transcribing?

TM: See, that makes me really nervous, because I keep thinking that you are going to start using frig as a verb.

MB: I almost started this page with “me and the Talking Mongoose.” Anyway, here’s our list to date, with, of course, the bottom being beyond bad, and the top not unbearable.

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