Archive for February, 2008

“Ghost Hunters” 2004 Timeline

February 29, 2008

According to timestamps on various film clips, these are the actual days and dates of filming the first season of “Ghost Hunters” in 2004. They did it sort of on weekends (per the fantasy that they are plumbers by day and paranormal investigators by night) in July and August, and then went on a busman’s holiday to Pennsylvania in September, from the looks of it with all the wives and girlfriends. That must have been fun. But almost all those silly episode timestamps? Fibs fibs fibs. I’d like it noted that my conjecture regarding the clumped filming of the Altoona cases has proved to be absolutely correct. Ha! The Talking Mongoose is almost always right!

10 July (Saturday) Railroad Museum, Altoona, PA Episode 2

11 July (Sunday) Brenda’s House, Altoona, PA Episode 1

?? July (Friday or Monday) Mishler Theatre, Altoona, PA Episode 2

24 July (Saturday) Lighthouse Inn, New London, CT Episode 3

25 July (Sunday) John Stone Tavern, Ashland, MA Episode 3

30 July (Friday) Race Rock Light House, CT Episode 4

6 August (Friday) Church residence, Albany, NY Episode 6

22 August (Sunday) New Boston Inn, Sandisfield, MA Episode 9

3 September (Friday) Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadelphia Episode 5

4 September (Saturday) Fortuna Apartment, Philadelphia Episode 8

5 September (Sunday) Topton House, Topton, PA Episode 8

?? September Armory, New Bedford, MA Episode 7

18 September (Saturday) Gloria’s house, Pittsburgh, PA Episode 9

20 September (Monday) Eastern State Penitentiary, Philadephia Episode 5

9 October (Saturday) Johnson House, Albany, NY Episode 10

11 October (Monday) Zubrowski House, CT Episode 10

Boo

February 23, 2008

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose recarp the tenth and last episode of the first season of the semi-reality show Ghost Hunters, in which plumbers from Rhode Island attempt to convince us that pursuit of the paranormal is good television.

Disclaimer: Transcribed portions belong to Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc., who were, themselves, incapable of sitting still long enough to transcribe this endless jabbering.


The narrator, as usual, promises way more than he can deliver.

Narrator: On this episode of Ghost Hunters, TAPS investigates a hostile force with an appetite for violence. Will the ghost hunters find the evil that inhabits this house? And TAPS explores a house haunted by dead grandparents. Are the spirits trying to make contact? Is this the voice of the dead?

CREDITSPAGAN HEATHER is back.

THE PITCH

TAPS Headquarters

Friday 4:27 PM

Grant and Jason – oops – Jason and Grant emerge from the TAPS trailer to find an MIB striding toward them.

MIB: “What’s up, brothers?”

No, sorry, it’s only Case Manager Brian Harnois wearing a black turtleneck, black TAPS cap, and sunglasses. Summer must finally be over.

Brian: “We gotta go to Albany, New York. Uh – Linda Johnson is her name. Malevolent spirit there – she’s being choked. Uh – her husband Dan has actually had something attach onto his back, like – hang onto his back.”

TM: It’s still tick season, you know.

MB: This sounds serious!

(more…)

Non-Entities 2

February 17, 2008

This is the second part of the recarpy transcript of the ninth episode of the first season of the trompe l’oeil reality show Ghost Hunters. Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose rate it on the Ouija Board at the end.

Same disclaimer applies as noted in Non-Entities 1. Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. owns all TAPS chatter, blah blah blah. And Plymouth wants its Rock back.

Having neatly disposed of the pesky New Boston Inn as “uninvestigatable” in case #1 of this episode, co-plumbers and co-TAPS-founders Grant Wilson and Jason Hawes are gearing up for their next assault on the paranormal. But first, time out for some “plumbing.”

THE DAY JOB

Wednesday 10:30 AM

Grant is driving the Roto-Rooter van. That’s different.

Jason: “Your driving sucks.”

Grant: “What are you talking about? I backed in like a pro.”

They tote the Roto-Rooter camera equipment to the basement of a house, where they are looking for some plumbing line problem. Jason wants to talk about the upcoming “weekend,” though. Grant feigns ignorance so that Jason can talk about Pittsburgh.

TM: Pennsylvania again???

MB: Travel is broadening.

(more…)

Non-Entities 1

February 16, 2008

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose do a transcripty recarp of the ninth episode of the first season of the faux-reality show Ghost Hunters. This post is the first part (New Boston Inn).

Disclaimer: All of the dialogue quoted belongs to Pilgrim Films and Television, who are turning Mme. Blahblatsky blind in addition to hard of hearing because they are too cheap to provide captions, and she has to squint to try to read lips, which is not easy because Rhode Islanders don’t enunciate much. Anyway, the talk is all theirs, and we present it merely as a modest diversion from the trials of real life. We don’t recommend using it for anything else.

Narrator: This episode of Ghost Hunters, Jason and Grant investigate and 18th century inn, and objects move. Does the ghost of a murdered bride haunt these halls? And then, TAPS search for the spirits that terrify a mother and daughter. Donna senses their unearthly presence, but other members are not convinced, until things start happening.”

MB: Not another bride. They can’t.

THE PITCH

TAPS Headquarters

Thursday 9:15 PM

Once again it is time for Case Manager Brian Harnhois to present new and thrilling specters and demons for The Atlantic Paranormal Society to hunt down. A flash of lightning illuminates the TAPS trailer sitting on plumber Jason Hawes’ front lawn. Inside, as thunder rolls, the atmosphere is thick with foreboding as …

TM: Mme. B, cut it out.

Jason, Grant and Brian are staring dumbly at a computer screen with a website pulled up on it. Brian points to the screen.

Brian: “All right, guys. New Boston Inn, in the Berkshires.”

Jason reads off the screen: “1737. That’s 250 years old.”

MB: Not great with the math, for a guy.

Brian: “Mike Sinclair – from ORION – called me on this and said I have a case for you guys if you’d be interested in it. They see this apparition of a girl and she haunts the place. There’s actually a cook and he was the owner up until like last year. He’s gonna come back with us so we can interview him about all the things that happened to him.”

Grant: “So why are we investigating the place? What do they want from us?”

TM: Ooh. Suspicious much? Maybe they don’t want anything. Maybe they’d really like you to just stay home. Ask Francine.

(more…)

Fillerdelphia

February 11, 2008

Mme. Blahblatsky is taking the episode off due to mental exhaustion from watching Frank deAngelis fall down 21 times, and it’s a good thing she is because Frank falls down 9 more times in this episode. So the Talking Mongoose is doing the recarp alone with no civilizing influence. This is a recarp of the eighth episode of the first season of the “reality” show Ghost Hunters.

DISCLAIMER: Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. owns all the quoted “dialogue,” which is at a minimum in this recarp because I do not have the patience to decipher all the execrable English spoken rapidly in a thick southern New England accent. I wonder if American Chopper gets subtitles for the hearing impaired? Anyway, it’s all theirs, theirs, theirs.

But I guess I should keep up the custom of letting the narrator try to pique our interest, because he has so little to do otherwise. It’s got to be a lousy job, so respect is due.

Narrator: On this episode of Ghost Hunters, Sheri gets an education in the supernatural in an old college apartment house, and TAPS investigates an historic inn with a dark past. And Frank finally comes to terms with what happened to him at the Armory.

Frank deAngelis is being dragged back in this week to relive his being knocked flat by a ghost at the New Bedford Armory last episode.

We get to see it 4 times in this preview, along with two views of him lying supine, which is my new favorite word. It’s interesting that TAPS allows the narrator to use the very unp.c. (unparanormally correct) “supernatural” here. So old-fashioned.

Don’t get all atwitter about that inn with a “dark past.” They think someone died there. Golly.

CREDITS

Andy Andrews is back. Whoopee.

THE PITCH

TAPS HEADQUARTERS

Monday 8:45 PM

There’s that trailer in Jason Hawes’ front yard, still. How did they ever get that by zoning? Warwick must be fond of trailers.

There’s Case Manager Brian bringing news of our impending outing. He’s wearing cut-offs! I thought he was a straight jeans guy. It’s been summer for a long time. Perhaps that explains the trailer. They’re doing a “construction project” at Jason’s house over the summer, and when the neighbors aren’t looking, someone from Pilgrim Films hustles around putting up TAPS signs. Except the neighbors have probably noticed the film crew by now. Perhaps they are participating in that old Rhode Island tradition – kickbacks.

I want to know how long it took them to figure out a plumbing-like acronym. I would have gone with “The Real Association for the Paranormal,” perhaps with “The Only Investigators Learned Enough To See” in front of that.

Brian says he has two cases for them in Philadelphia. Jason smirks. Why is he smirking? Is it joy at the prospect of returning to the city of Brotherly Love so soon? Or is it that this is the ninth run-through trying to film filler to make it look like they are off to Philadelphia again, and he is getting slap-happy from Brian muffing his lines?

Whatever, Brian tells them about Mike Fortuna, who is having problems renting his fourth floor. He has college students living in this place, and he lived on the fourth floor himself, but moved downstairs and now he can’t rent it out. Why we should care is not clear. I already don’t care. This belongs on that other Pilgrim reality show, College Rentals.

Topton House is a restaurant/residence where owners Jerry and Frances have seen an apparition.

Grant: “It’s not one of these I see an orb in a picture…”

Nope, Brian assures them. It’s a full body apparition which walks up and downstairs. Jason is now laughing openly. At least someone is having a jolly time. Brian tells them the bar and the dining room have the most “activity.”

Grant sums up the challenge as not much of not much, but not in those words.

Jason thinks it’s going to be a long “weekend.”

Steve thinks it’s going to be “fun.”

We are instantaneously transported to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The weekend starts early at TAPS. Roto-Rooter must be a good place to work.

(more…)

The New Bedford Armory

February 7, 2008

[Mme. Blahblatsky was typing this up and made a typo. We’re doing a recarp! Neologism – first! TM]

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose, returned, recap and carp about the seventh episode of the first season of the alternate reality show Ghost Hunters.

Disclaimer: All of the quoted material belongs to Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc., including the rare captioned material from that poor employee who got knocked flat.

Things must have been at a fever-pitch in production this week, and someone got sloppy. The Narrator is verging on slander.

On this episode of Ghost Hunters, Jason and Grant investigate a turn-of-the-century armory with a haunted history. Does the sergeant’s tormented spirit lurk in the shadows? What makes these soldiers quake in their boots? This time, things get physical.”

A body is lying on the floor, and Brian is saying “Something threw him down, dude.”

Credits – it’s the old version, sans Andy Andrews.

TM: Good!

MB: I thought you liked Andy.

TM: He cramps Brian’s style. I like Brain in full flow, unhindered.

(more…)

To Be Orb Not To Be

February 1, 2008

This is a recap and partial transcript of the sixth episode of the first season of the “reality” show Ghost Hunters, in which two plumbers from Rhode Island and their faithful if screwball team set out to catch some ghosts. There’s a lot of bickering, and a little weirdness. Except this episode is all bickering and no weirdness.

The Talking Mongoose is in such a bad mood it refuses to talk, much less watch the “Church Residence” episode again. Hence there will be no Ouija Board evaluation at the end. I, Mme. Blahblatsky, found a few things of interest, but I am easily amused. Caveat emptor.

Disclaimer: All the quoted conversation belongs to Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. I’d just as soon they keep it.

 

This week the Narrator has to cobble together something from nothing, but the Narrator is resourceful: “This episode of Ghost Hunters, the TAPS team visits a converted church to help a couple who have witnessed a ghost. Brian and Andy spar, doors open by themselves, and the TAPS cameras capture strange phenomenon, creating a feud over the evidence.”

The CREDITS now include Andy Andrews as an investigator.

THE PITCH

Church Residence

Thursday 9:55 PM

Jason Hawes, Grant Wilson, Brian Harnois, and Steve Gonsalves are at TAPS headquarters, the miniature construction trailer in Jason’s front yard, Warwick Rhode Island. They’ve had an exciting few weeks lately, what with the moving chair at Race Rock Lighthouse, and the spooks at Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia. Not that we’re going in order here, because I still have extreme suspicions about that push-pin map of the United States in the trailer. What could the editors and producers have in store for us now?

Jason: “So what do we got goin’ on this weekend?”

Brian: “All right. Ah, don’t hit me. It’s in upstate New York. He (pointing to Steve) set up the case for us. He actually took the phone call.”

Steve: “It’s – um – a church that’s been converted to a house. Actually, friends of mine had been telling me ever since they’ve been there about these things that have been going on, but I’ve never gone up there. They moved to this house, and right away stuff started happening. Um – there’s a chandelier that spins and moves around. She’s kinda creeped out about that. Um – what freaked him out was that he actually saw a – uh – a full body apparition. It’s an older man, he says, in a grey suit, and now he’s kinda freaked out. It still has a bell tower and everything – you can ring the bell, and…”

Grant appears to have been suddenly possessed, rasping out hideously: “She gave me water. She gave me water.”

There is much laughter.

Brian: “It’s awesome.”

Steve: “It’ll be fun.”

Grant: “Okay.”

And so they are going to ghost-hunt at Steve’s friends’ house with no discussion whatsoever. In upstate New York. I still don’t understand why they have to keep making these long road trips. But perhaps they have wiped out all the ghosts within a hundred mile radius of Warwick. I don’t know.

(more…)