Less Is Mordecai

A Ouija Board

Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose discuss the entertainment value of “Ghost Hunters” episode 204 (Mordecai House) as witnessed in Time Travel with TAPS.

MB: So once I got some distance I thought this wasn’t a bad episode.

TM: Says the person who didn’t have to do the commenting.

MB: Who did the effing transcribing?

TM: See, that makes me really nervous, because I keep thinking that you are going to start using frig as a verb.

MB: I almost started this page with “me and the Talking Mongoose.” Anyway, here’s our list to date, with, of course, the bottom being beyond bad, and the top not unbearable.

1. 105 Eastern State

2. 104 Race Rock Lighthouse

3. 203 DeVille house and Brennan’s

4. 107 New Bedford Armory

5. 103 Lighthouse Inn and John Stone Tavern

6. 201 The Myrtles

7. 102 The Mishler and the R.R. museum

8. 109 New Boston Inn and Gloria’s House

9. 108 Fortuna and Topton House

10. 202 Grafton and DiRaimo

11. 101 Brenda’s house

12. 106 Church residence

13. 110 Negative Entity and Zubrowski

MB: I’m thinking this has to go in the top five.

TM: For god’s sake, why??? Nothing happened.

MB: The battleship was pretty exotic. If nothing is ever going to happen, at least I’d rather have it not happen someplace interesting.

TM: Your standards are slipping, along with your speech. You know, I’ve been poking around the disgruntled fan boards, and the one thing that keeps coming up as a defense is that really, these guys can’t be held accountable for anything in the way of the paranormal because the program is “just entertainment.” They’re “entertainers.”

MB: Oof.

TM: Exactly.

MB: Entertainers. Ha! If only. They are plumbers.

TM: I’ve known entertaining plumbers.

MB: But not these.

TM: No. Only accidentally.

MB: Words fail me. I’m flummoxed. Entertainers???

TM: Well, as you say – it’s all relative. Relative to being reliable, thorough, honest, unbiased paranormal investigators.

MB: Oh, for god’s sake. They’re plumbers. That’s all I’m giving them. Plumbers on television. Plumbers on television looking for ghosts. If it weren’t for the ghosts, they’d be clearing tree roots out of sewer lines. Which I wish they were, what with this next episode I CAN BARELY KEEP AWAKE TO TRANSCRIBE. If it weren’t for the ghosts, they’d be nobodies. Because “America’s Next Top Plumber” just won’t fly.

TM: It’s a great hook, you must admit. They caught you.

MB: Yes, goddamn them all to hell. Ghosts are sort of irresistible, no matter how moronic their “hunters” are.

TM: But about the U.S.S. North Carolina…

MB: Well, here’s my absolute favorite part. They’re on this haunted battleship for two whole nights, and they see and hear ghosts, and they get nothing for evidence! How great is that?

TM: I did like the expressions on their faces when Haunted North Carolina Jim brought them his EVP.

MB: Perfect poetic justice.

TM: It is. So #5?

MB: #5, for now.

TM: Too bad for Mordecai House. I bet they were all excited about the publicity and then they get totally dumped because everyone is too tired and cranky.

MB: That was crappy. Let’s declare it haunted.

TM: Mordecai House is totally haunted.

MB: Totally. Entertainers. God in heaven.

Tags: ghost hunters, ghosts, Mordecai House, North Carolina, paranormal, plumbers, TAPS, The Atlantic Paranormal Society