Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose discuss the paranormal investigative entertainment value of the second episode of the second season of “Ghost Hunters,” as recarped in Zero Divided By Two and Equals Zero.
Because we like to think there’s at least a shred of entertainment in something we voluntarily submit to watch, here are our
Favorite Bits
Mme. Blahblatsky:
Line: “I don’t want to play ghost.” (Cody)
Moment: Jason hustling out of the van to bust up Grant and Paula’s tête à tête in Cranston.
The Talking Mongoose:
Line: “I’m only human, man. (Brian)
Moment: Jason “debunking” sad Mr. Debunker in Grafton.
TM: First, I want to review that initial teaser.
Narrator: “On this episode of Ghost Hunters, TAPS searches for a spirit that terrorizes children, and a bone-chilling discovery is made. Are they human? And Brian and Steve are in hot pursuit. Then, Jason and Grant investigate a house with multiple hauntings. When the ghost hunters get close, a TAPS member gets attacked.”
No spirits. No terror. No bone-chilling discovery. No hot pursuit. Cranky kids and cow bones under a barn. Then they blamed the multiple hauntings on Hayley.
MB: But god bless her, Jason did get “attacked.”
TM: He did get a boo-boo. But I’ve had worse deer fly bites.
MB: And speaking of worse, I know you hated this one, but it still wasn’t as bad as that stupid church episode.
TM: I guess. If nothing else, we now have a sliding scale of awful to which we can refer, instead of these useless OUI’s and NON’s.
MB: I agree. It’s not that black and white. But we can’t do a list because there are too many at the bottom of it.
TM: Out of a list of 12, how many are definitely worse?
MB: I see four.
TM: I see three. We’ve got a numerical rating. Almost.
MB: Eighth least awful?
TM: Third most awful. No, wait.
MB: Yeah, I’m doing it glass half-full. You’re doing glass half-empty. But what one aren’t you counting?
TM: I’ve got Brenda’s house in Altoona, Fillerdelphia, and that stupid church.
MB: And the poor crazy woman and the dead grandparents.
TM: If you insist.
MB: I do.
TM: Okay, 8th least awful, 4th most awful. So do we believe these places were haunted or not?
MB: I’d say the Grafton place maybe. DiRaimo – maybe. Why not? The problem I’m having is that the way the cases are presented, I don’t really care whether they are or they aren’t. The bone-chilling discoveries they could make in Blahblatsky Manor!
TM: I think they both were, and I don’t care, either.
MB: A reader has asked if we can deny that “Ghost Hunters” has any redeeming value, in light of – uh – certain revelations of the ultimate quandary of the human condition which pop up from time to time.
TM: Yeah, no. What? Oh, sure! There are plenty of quandaries. If it weren’t for the quandaries, it would be unwatchable. But listen. I found something swell.
MB: That’s not…oh, never mind. What?
TM: I know I promised not to go snooping on the internets while we were doing the first season, but it’s okay now, right?
MB: Up to a point. It depends.
TM: I found this place where disgruntled fans congregate and dish. They are strongly implying Jason has some bizarre green olive fetish. If it’s true, he thinks eating green olives increases sensitivity to the paranormal. Or decreases it.
MB: So he eats green olives?
TM: Or he doesn’t. I don’t know. And he has written a book. Don’t you think we should review it?
MB: But that would mean we would have to read it.
TM: Oh. Well. Maybe not, then.
Tags: Andy Andrews, Brian Harnois, Cranston, Di Raimo, ghost hunters, ghosts, Grafton, green olives, Jason Hawes, paranormal, TAPS, the human condition
