This is a recap/semi-transcript of the first half of the fifth episode of the first season of the quasi-reality show Ghost Hunters.
Because discussion of who would get to do it degenerated into potential hair-pulling, Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose have had to agree to do it together. Mme. B’s transcribing obsession, added their fondness for interrupting, makes it necessary to post this in two sections.
Disclaimer: Wherever Mme. Blahblatsky has to insert large chunks of dialogue for her own amusement, the Talking Mongoose vouches that neither of us is taking anything of value away from Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc., which owns it all.
Narrator: “Tonight on Ghost Hunters, Jason and Grant investigate a 19th century penitentiary, tension between TAPS members boils over, and the investigation runs wild. And Jason and Grant see an entity they can’t explain.”
TM: Promises, promises.
MB: It’s got to be Brian. It’s always Brian.
CREDITS roll. It’s still the same list. Brian Bell and Andy Andrews must be part-timers.
TAPS HEADQUARTERS
Inside the trailer we get a new view of the U.S. map on the wall. There are push-pins in Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, upstate New York, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, South Carolina, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, Texas, and possibly Nevada.
MB: The Atlantic Paranormal Society has a plan for world domination.
TM: The push-pins had to leave Rhode Island in search of new lands.
MB: Do you think it’s possible to achieve world domination from Rhode Island?
TM: Not from Warwick. They haven’t even invaded Canada yet.
A group meeting is in progress, with Jason, Grant, Brian H., Steve, and new investigator-in-training Sheri Toczko. No Brian Bell. No Andy.
MB: I want Brian Bell back, to make Jason get all puffy.
TM: I want Andy Andrews back, because he talksamileaminute.
Sheri is introduced. She is “a friend of Steve.” She is excited to be there.
Jason: “We’re going to get you to do a little of the interview and so forth and try to get you also using the equipment.
Grant: “So what the heck? Is this your very first time?”
Sheri” “My very first time. I’ve never done anything like this but I’ve always been into like paranormal and stuff so it’d be a great opportunity.”
Grant: “All right. Awesome. Awesome. Well, we’ll definitely put you to the test.
TM: Thank god she’s not a gum chewer.
MB: She talks with her hands like a lot.
TM: She can count off stuff with Grant.
Half of the demonologist twin set, arrives. Jason looks at his watch.
Grant: “Carl! Right on time!”
TM: I knew it was Carl.
MB: Did not.
TM: Did.
Carl: “Sorry if I’m a little late. I thought the call time was an hour from now.”
Grant: “From now?”
Carl: “Should I bother to sit down?”
Grant: “Yeah, sit down. We’ll light the seat on fire for you.”
MB: Everyone is laughing, but what does that even mean?
TM: Hot. Seat. Ha ha. But they’re not laughing. They’re just showing their teeth.
Jason: “Anyways, back to the main reason we’re here – the case. We’ve got Eastern State Penitentiary, and it’s going to be a big prison. I’m going to expect everybody to stay in groups of two.”
Grant: “We want to have walk-in contact. It’d be a great place for you to get some training in.”
Jason: “It’s actually where Al Capone stayed for about eight months. It’s a really interesting place.”
TM: Did he say walk-in contact? Does that mean what I think it means? Because if so…
MB: No, I don’t know. I can’t figure out what he’s saying there.
TM: Rats, because I’d like to see them get all possessed. And then Carl could debug them.
MB: Debunk them?
TM: No. Debug. Exterminate. Exorcise. My little joke. Never mind.
Brian: “There’s a morgue, there’s the Death Row there and everything, so…”
TM: Death Row and everything. Keen.
MB: Brian, Brian, Brian.
Jason: “Well, guys, either way, we’ve got about a five-hour, five and a half hour ride ahead of us, so let’s get everything set and just get out of here.”
Brian: “Rock ‘n’ roll.”
TM: Because it is just so rockin’ to climb into a van for a five-hour drive through Connecticut and New Jersey.
MB: He could have added “dudes.” What’s wrong with New Jersey?
In the TAPS vans for the trip to Philadelphia, as usual, Jason is driving with Grant, and Brian is driving with Steve.
Jason: “What’s up with Brian H.?”
Grant: “I know him and Steve have been dying to go to this place for years so they’re going to be a little like kids in a candy store.”
Brian: “So we’re going to have some fun!” He brings “fun” up to a falsetto, and slaps Steve on the thigh. “We’re the new frickin’ wardens, man.”
MB: Uh-oh. Hubris alert.
TM: He’s going down.
Grant: “I’m excited honestly because it’s just – just the nature of the building itself.”
Jason: “Look at how much death and – viciousnessness occurs in prisons.”
TM: Death and Viciousness is the title of my new book about the American penal system.
The vans arrive at the prison, which looks lifted straight out of Norman England, complete with crenellated battlements and slit windows for the archers.
Steve: “It looks like a castle.”
Grant: “It looks like medieval.”
MB: Wow! It really does look like medieval.
TM: It’s Gothic Revival.
MB: It’s Gothic defibrillated.
Bob Olson, Eastern State Penitentiary Tour Guide, greets them.
Bob: “You must be TAPS.”
Grant: “Yeah. You Bob?”
Bob: “Yes, I’m Bob.”
Grant: “How are you? Nice to meet you.”
Grant introduces Jason. There is not a peep about being here to help.
MB: So they’re not going to help.
TM: Ha! They’d better not. They’d be thrown out on their ear. Ears.
THE INVESTIGATION
Eastern State Penitentiary
Wednesday 6:50 P.M.
Bob gives Jason and Grant a tour of the prison. It’s big. It’s dilapidated. The walls are scabbing off paint in big curls. They visit the allegedly haunted Cell Block 4. Cells are tiny and dark, with a single slit window, and two doors – a grated metal inner door and a sliding outer door. Prisoners were required to be in cells 24 hours a day.
MB: I know we’re not going to have time to hear about Eastern State Penitentiary because we have to bring those tensions to a boil, but the place does have a great website.
Jason: “C’mon in, Grant. Check this out.”
Grant: “Can you imagine getting life in something like this? This is your ray of hope right here.” He’s looking at the tiny window.
Bob: “That’s your only light.”
Brett Bertolino, Eastern State Penitentiary program coordinator, does not mind admitting he thinks the prison is haunted. “There have definitely been times where I’ve heard something – something that sounds like footsteps, or you see a shadow. Usually I’m alone and usually I didn’t stay long enough to find out what it was.”
Al Capone seems to have been the prison’s most famous inmate. His cell is exhibited, well furnished. There’s a nice floor lamp, an armchair, a fancy desk, an end table and another lamp, a bed with a red coverlet, and what looks like framed pictures on the wall.
Grant: “Now wait a minute. This is too nice for a cell. What’s going on?”
Bob: “The story goes that he broke up a fight between some inmates here. Also we think that he donated some money to the – to Eastern State.”
MB: Does anyone even remember what Al Capone did anymore?
TM: I do.
MB: You googled him.
TM: So, we don’t need to remember anymore. We can google. Look. He wasn’t even here for a whole year. He had oriental rugs and a radio. Kind of a wuss. Willie Sutton seems more interesting.
Bob brings the guys to the Rotunda – the exact center of the prison, where they can see down every cell block y spinning by around. There’s a model of what the prison looked like in 1836. It looks pretty much the same as today, if all the add-on’s are removed – a giant wheel with seven cell block spokes. You can see in the model that every ground floor cell has its own little walled exercise yard, per the system. The prisoners were not allowed any human contact whatsoever. They were supposed to think of their sins and repent.
MB: Those Quakers.
TM: They put the penitent in penitentiary.
MB: It was one big insane asylum. Except you weren’t insane when you went in.
TM: Just a little sociopathic.
MB: Then you became an insane sociopath.
TM: And probably couldn’t plan your crimes very well anymore, so the system kind of worked.
Brett Bertolino gets more specific: “Several people have told me that in Cell Block 12 on the second floor at the very end they’ve see a shadowy figure come out of the last cell on the right and kind of stand in the hallway.”
Bob Olson is still leading Jason and Grant around. Jason wants to see Death Row.
Bob: “It’s around the corner if you’ll follow me.”
Jason: “Awesome. Yeah, you start to feel definitely a little claustrophobic. Oh my god, those are some high walls.”
Bob: “Those are thirty feet high. One great escape they put ladders together in sections.”
Grant: “They built ladders to go over those walls?”
Bob: “They tried to, yeah.”
TM: Tried to?
Brett Bertolino offers some good reasons the prison might be a paranormal hot spot. “It’s a prison where 80,000 men and women served time. It had violent periods. People died here. So I think if there are ghosts anywhere, you’d expect to find them at Eastern.”
MB: They don’t talk up how many people were driven insane here, do they?
TM: That’s part of the Halloween festivities.
MB: Ugh.
TM: So we won’t be going?
MB: Probably not.
A locksmith named Gary Johnson, Locksmith speaks to Steve: “I was in the prison myself that night. All of a sudden I had this feeling that somebody was standing behind me. I turned around and nobody’s there. And then all of a sudden I saw like a shadow appear right over there by the little wall.”
MB: Look – there’s Gary Johnson, locksmith.
TM: This is not a very exciting account. Where’s the “horrible supernatural stew?” Where’s the microwave oven?”
MB: Where’s the “standing buck naked in a sandstorm at the North Pole?”
TM: Charles J. Adams III fibs.
MB: Charles J. Adams III is a fabulist.
The TAPS crew is discussing the areas of paranormal activity in the prison. They are going to focus on Cell Blocks 4 and 12. Something (or someone) prompts Sheri to ask a leading question.
Sheri: “If there are ghosts here, what kind of hauntings would they be?
Jason: “Well, you’d probably have many different kinds. You’d have intelligent hauntings and you’d have – uh – residual haunts. Residual is more of its playing itself over and over again…”
Grant: “Totally ignorant of the observer – it just does its thing whether you’re there or not.”
Jason: “And the intelligent is more of the trying to make contact – um – you know they’re there and they know you’re there. So those are the two you can probably expect to find in a place like this – so – it should be an interesting night, guys.” He slaps his hands together with satisfaction.
TM: He said “many different kinds.” What other kinds of hauntings are there?
MB: Demonic! Demonic hauntings where you have to default on your mortgage because of the demons living in the basement.
TM: There’s no such thing.
MB: Says you.
TM: But even if there is, that’s intelligent. They’re trying to make contact, or they aren’t. That’s the big divide.
MB: Personally, I think there’s a kind where they know you’re there and are too snippy to make contact. They’re the worst, because they’re probably making fun of you all the time.
The equipment is unloaded and set up. Jason is having problems.
Jason: “Look at camera one.”
Brian: “It’s the cord.”
Jason: “You’re jumping to conclusions. You said it’s the cord.”
Brian: “I meant it was the cord itself.”
Jason: “No, it’s not. Trust me. We’ve already looked through this.”
Brian: “All right. No problem.”
Jason: “You know what I mean? So…”
Brian: “I’m going to have a cigarette, guys.” Grant pats him on the shoulder in commiseration as he passes.
Elsewhere, Brian vents: “I – I’m sick of the bickering. I really am. I’m – you know – I’m – I do everything I can for TAPS and it seems like I’m the one that gets yelled at all the time.”
TM: Poor Brain.
MB: I swear, I think Jason lives for when Brian screws up.
TM: So does the production crew.
CELL BLOCK 12
1:22 A.M.
Brian: “This is it. This is where that – that apparition is seen, walking in.”
Steve: “In here?”
Brian: “Yeah.” They open a metal grated door and the sound guy provides a musical squeak. Brian and Steve are both wearing iron grey, short-sleeved, button-front shirts, with “TAPS” on the back and over the pocket in yellow stencil font.
MB: My god but those TAPS shirts are ugly. They look like prison shirts. Or janitor shirts.
TM: You’ve been watching too much Project Runway
MB: Jason must have hired Wendy Pepper after the Post Office challenge. Why don’t they wear the t-shirts instead? Notice you never see Jason and Grant wearing these things. Gaah!
TM: It’s the revenge of the guys who have to wear Roto-Rooter shirts at their day jobs.
Brian: “I’m not used to this stuff, dude. I’m used to going to houses and maybe even a lighthouse occasionally.”
Steve: “No prisons?”
Brian: “Nah, dude. I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.”
MB: I’m starting to think Steve has a real mean streak.”
TM: He didn’t say anything.
MB: Yeah, but it was the way he didn’t.
Elsewhere, Grant is giving Sheri a pep talk. “One of the things that it’s hard as an investigator is to not be influenced by just the setting. You know, while this is a creepy place with people who killed people and all that stuff, you want to make sure that that doesn’t influence your investigation. So you just gotta kinda fight the urge to let your mind wander into those.”
MB: “People who killed people and all that stuff?”
TM: Death and viciousness.
DEATH ROW
1:39 A.M.
Bob Olson and Brian are now checking out Death Row together.
Brian: “Actually I feel a lot better in here than I did up on Cell Block 12. For some reason Cell Block 12 is just eery.” He pronounces it “airy.”
Bob: “That’s the way I feel when I go down to 4 at night – just like (he hunches and shivers) – ‘gotta get out of here fast.’”
Brian: “Yeah, feelin’ like you – oh my god, I’m just, I’m all done, going’ – see ya later.”
The editors take us back to Grant and Sheri.
Grant: “If you do have the chance to see an actual apparition, people think they’re going to wet themselves but when you’re actually there and something’s happening, it’s not scary at all. You’re like – what was that? You’re checking it out. You’re like – oh. You don’t really feel that urge to run.”
MB: I wish she would stop smiling and nodding so much.
TM: You don’t want her to talk with her hands, either – what else?
MB: You don’t want her to chew gum.
TM: I just happen to like Donna better than these tag-along girlfriends. I question their sincerity.
Brian: “There’s a case out in Albany, and – uh – we actually had something – there was nothing there but something was charging up the driveway at us. Personally I thought it was a wild animal, but there’s no way I’m getting eaten tonight, right? But then we realized it was something supernatural, I was like ‘oh, that’s freaky.’” He says this in monotone casual, too-cool-for-school.
MB: Oh, no!
TM: Another telegram for you, ma’am.
Steve and Sheri are investigating somewhere with an EMF reader. The on-screen explanation of this: “Electromagnetic field reader detects electrical and magnetic fields.”
Steve, half-whispering, attempts something more nuanced: “This is an EMF gauge. It senses electromagnetic frequency. Everything paranormal has a frequency, okay? What we do is get the ambient frequency, right, like .3, .5. We look for spikes – 5.0, 6.0. When we get a spike, we go in [every direction] and we look for what could make that fluctuation. Scientists say they have no idea.”
MB: He said everything paranormal has a frequency.
TM: He doesn’t mean that. He is misstating what he actually means.
MB: You wouldn’t let Brian get away with that. Pfah. What scientists say they have no idea?
Steve: “I keep getting cold, like…”
Sheri: “I – I feel it, too.”
Steve: “I don’t know if it’s a draft.”
Sheri: “I’ve been feeling it, too.”
Steve: “Oh, wait. Is that a door? Oh, there’s a door open over there.”
TM: If I weren’t pretty sure something terrible is going to happen to Brian any minute, I would go make a sandwich.
Carl is in Cell Block 4, trying for EVP’s. On-screen definition: “Recorded sound that the human ear can’t hear.”
Carl: “Cell Block 4 is reputed to be one of the most haunted sites here. If there is any presence here, please, speak to me now. Let me hear you. Placing this in Cell Block 4.”
Jason and Grant are with the computer monitors, in the command center. Two camera views are visible on-screen.
Grant: “So how do you think Sheri’s working out so far?”
Jason: “I haven’t seen her much. Um – I’ve talked to her here and there. She seems like she doing pretty good.”
MB: Why is Grant asking Jason, when Grant is the one who’s been working with her?
TM: I think they are splicing in a little re-enactment here.
There is distant shouting. Jason turns around from the computer. “What the hell was that?”
We hear, unmistakably, Brian’s dulcet tones. He is shouting. “Dude, run!”
MB: Oh, Brian. No.
TM: Hee. Here it comes.
CELL BLOCK 4
3:02 A.M.
We see two guys in an infrared camera view come charging out of a cell block, their eyes white orbs of light reflection, equipment straps flapping.
TM: Jiminy! They are booking. Look at that! They are absolutely flying.
MB: Fly, you fools. Damn.
Brian: “You all right, dude?”
Dude, breathless: “Yeah.”
Grant: “What happened?”
Dude: “A black thing just went like this right by me.”
Grant: “Where were you?”
Brian seems to be yelling “oh my god.”
Dude: “We were straight down here.”
Brian: “This black thing just went like – (he waves his arm across his face) right across our face, dude.”
The dude is holding a camera and, in some shock, is leaning on a table. We get to see a replay of the film clip. Yes, it’s Brian well in the lead, leaving the hapless dude to eat his dust.
CELL BLOCK 4
3:02 A.M.
To refresh our memories after a former commercial break, we are shown another repeat of the Great Race. Brian wins again.
Brian: “This black thing just went like – peewww – right across our face, dude.”
The dude straightens up and wipes his face. It is Dave Hobbs, Ghost Hunters camera man.
Dave: “I took a picture and on my right-hand side this shadow – it looked like a shoulder with head – really fast – it went – pwwwt – right by us.”
MB: Does the standard cartoon sound effect for speed start with a p?
TM: Dave’s name is Hobbs. How perfect is that?
MB: Oh. Hobbs! Fortean.
Unfamiliar voice: “All right. Let’s go back in. Let’s do it, J. Hang on.”
MB: I’ve never heard anyone tell Jason what to do. Cool. Who do you suppose that is? The director?
TM: Silly – reality shows don’t have directors. It’s all impromptu.
People are milling around. Brian leans over and braces his hands on his knees. Dave is grinning oddly. Grant strides into the darkness.
Brian interviews: “I went – I went with Dave Hobbs the camera guy. I just wanted to go with him, take some pictures, because I didn’t want him to go by himself. Walked in there and right when he – start the picture, that thing just moved in front of us. He grabs my arm, he freaks, I freak, we both go running out of there because I wasn’t ready for it.”
MB: Brian, Brian, Brian. You have got to figure out a better story than that for Jason. Maybe vampire bats. Oh, dear.
TM: What do you want to bet he physically shook Dave off to start his sprint?
Jason, Grant and Brian have arrived in area where the great run began. They stop and look at the ceiling where Dave had been taking a picture.
Jason: “How big?”
Brian: “About this tall. Shadow was like (he has his hand at his forehead level, and moves his arm to the right again to show movement of the shadow.)…”
Grant: “Now wait. It was black? And you saw a shadow.”
Brian: “Yeah, just taking a picture and it was still lit up a little bit, and you should have seen the thing go bpppppppp.”
TM: I thought it went peewww.
Jason is grinning at Grant like the Cheshire Cat.
Brian: “Both me and Dave both saw it.”
MB: Ack. He’s using a double-positive. Those don’t work.
Jason, dripping scorn: “You ran like a sissy.”
Grant: “Yeah, what’s that?”
Jason: “Do your impression of Brian and Dave.”
Grant runs awkwardly, waving his arms and crying “eeeeeeee,” like a girl.
Brian: “I don’t care, dude. That freaked me out, man.”
Jason: “Dude, you ran! You’re takin’ off down the hall.”
Brian: “No – it was…”
Jason: “You wanna investigate the paranormal but you’re freakin’ terrified of the paranormal. I don’t understand the logic.”
MB: He’s enjoying this. He’s thrilled. He’s such a jerk.
Brian, upset, goes elsewhere: “I’m all done. I’ll go back in there when they need me, but I’m not going in there now.”
TM: Poor Brain.
MB: You would have shoved Dave backwards to get out of there.
TM: I would have knocked Dave down to get out of there. But when I got out, I would have pretended to be having an epileptic seizure.
Inside at the command center, Jason is looking at the Cellblock 4 film again. “That’s ridiculous.”
Grant: “Imagine if we were in someone’s home? Grant is agitated.
Jason: “It’s just childish bullshit.” He sees the camera flash on the film. “That’s when they snapped the picture. The flash from the camera, I’m sure, screwed up their eyes for a second.”
Grant: “Yeah.”
The time stamp on the film here is 09/03/2004 22:26:41.
MB: I thought it was three in the morning.
TM: Yeah. Keith’s “psychic hours.” Or was that Carl’s? I thought it was Thursday morning. Now it’s 10:26 p.m. Friday. I told you so. They’re messing around again.
We see Brian charging out of the cell block another time.
TM: That just doesn’t get old.
MB: Stop it. You’re upsetting the dogs with all that howling.
Grant: “Why is he running from it? I don’t understand that. [indecipherable] frickin’ ghost.”
Jason: “Look, Brian’s feet aren’t even touching the floor, dude.”
Grant: “Gohhh. It’s disappointing me.” (Jason is laughing) What’s funny is I just got done telling Sheri that, you know – hey – no matter how you feel, you don’t run out of a situation. You walk out calmly. You know? Because people call you into their home as professionals, and you act like that (we see Brian running, again), pretty unprofessional to me.”
TM: You must admit, he has a point.
MB: Oh, right. The American Association of Ghost Hunters (AAGH) may take their license away.
Brian: “You wanted to see me?”
Jason: “Yeah, we need to see you. You got a problem with that?”
Brian: “No, not at all.”
TM: Duck, Jason. Those daggers are sharp!
Grant: “If you’re scared about something, that’s fine. But we have – one of our principles is we cannot run out of a building.”
Brian: “I know. I’m sorry.”
Grant: “And you came flying out, and the people who work here saw that, so our faith – their faith in us just went zzzzzt in the toilet, because we can’t handle something as simple as a black shadow. I mean, there’s – there’s no inhuman spirits here, you know what I mean? So there’s no real threat to us. We gotta remember to focus and keep that in control. You can do it, man.”
Brian: “All right.” He’s sounding very defensive.
MB: I wonder if they cut out a Jason tirade. I can’t see him letting Grant do all the chastising here.
TM: An overly potty-mouthed tirade. And maybe Brian swung at him. Or cried.
CELL BLOCK 4
Second Attempt
MB: Look, Even the title writers are getting snarky.
Brian and Steve go back into the cell block Brian and Dave came flying out of recently.
Brian: “Yeah, it doesn’t feel like it did last time. Is there anybody here that would like to speak to us today?”
Steve: “Can you tell use how many spirits are in this cell block?”
Brian: “Give me a flashlight. Give me a flashlight.”
Steve hustles over with his camera to take a picture.
Brian: “I looked up and it looked like somebody was actually standing there.”
Nothing happens.
Brian: “Actually feels comfortable in here now.”
TM: But if someone were to grab his arm…
Elsewhere, Grant and Jason are about to cal time.
Grant: “Overall this place is just mind-boggling but…”
Jason: “It’s an incredible place. I’ve had a blast.”
MB: Yeah, of course he did. He got to stomp all over his favorite scapegoat.
TM: So call the ASPCA.
Grant: “I just wish we had a little more time here.”
Jason: “Absolutely.”
CELL BLOCK 4
4:05 A.M.
Carl and Sheri are trying to get EVP’s in Brian’s Bane.
Carl: “Anyone who can hear me, please, tell me of your distress.”
TM: Carl is such a gentleman.
MB: I like Carl.
TM: I wasn’t being sarcastic. I was comparing his EVP method to Brian’s.
Jason, on radio: “The investigation’s all set. Time to wrap it up.”
Carl and Sheri must leave the Cell Block 4 ghosts to their distress.
Brian, now acting professional, sums up their night: “Done a lot of work, done a lot of EVP’s and everything like that, so we’re gonna pack everything up and get out of here.”
Grant is issuing report cards “Sheri, I thought was going to crack. She did well. Brian, who I thought was gonna just have a heyday here, freaked out.”
Sheri is acting like a teacher’s pet: “I had a great time. I had so much fun. I think I learned a lot. The biggest lesson I learned is to not freak out, because as J. and Grant said, if it was a person’s house and they see you kind of getting all scared, that doesn’t give them too much confidence.”
We are shown Brian and Dave hotfooting it yet again, and describing the “shadow.”
Jason thanks the Eastern State Penitentiary people, and opines: “There’s definitely some really good possibilities we might have caught some stuff. You never know until you evaluate the evidence.”
THE ANALYSIS
Eastern State Penitentiary
Sunday 7:10 P.M.
TAPS Headquarters
Brian and Steve are looking at infrared camera recordings.
Brian: All right, Steve. Eastern State Penitentiary, man.”
Steve: “Let’s roll it.” He is sounding very unenthusiastic.
Brian: “All right.”
Brian is apparently looking at infamous Cell Block 4, just prior to his run.
Brian: “Watch this. This would be pretty cool if it – we know it’s the camera guy but it would be pretty cool if it was a ghost. That would be pretty frickin’ cool, wouldn’t it?
Steve: Yeah. It would be cool. How about you stop showing me things that would be cool and show me things that are cool.
Brian: “I’m just making a point, okay. You watch your frickin’ gate over there.”
MB: I knew Steve had a mean streak. That’s just – icky.
TM: Yeah, but if you had to put up with Brian all the time, you might not be little Mme. Sunshine, either.
Paint dries in dead air. We are spared four hours of tape watching, according to the title time stamps.
DATA ANALYSIS
Eastern State Penitentiary
11:55 P.M.
Brian: “What the fuck is that?”
Steve: “What?”
Brian: “Go to full screen here.”
There’s a cut where the commercial used to be, and a repeat of this bit.
Steve: “I don’t see anything.”
Shown full screen, there’s a shadowy movement along a raised walkway.
Brian: “Right there. I can’t fucking’ make it out. I can’t make that out.”
Steve: “What’s that up there?”
Brian: “That’s what I’m saying, dude. I don’t know what the fuck that is.”
Steve: “Maybe an anomalous vapor?”
Brian: “Maybe.”
Steve: “It’s interesting.”
Brian: “It is. Very interesting.”
Steve: “It looks like something is crouching and then just decides to get up.”
Brian: “Yeah. Right there.”
Steve: “Hmm – could it be lights reflecting, like a flashlight coming from up top, down below there?”
Brian: “No, nothing on top. You can’t get on top. You can’t get on that third balcony.”
Steve: “Really?”
Brian: “Nobody could. Nobody was up there that whole time.”
Steve: “Says you.”
Brian, muttering: “That’s true. Maybe.”
Steve: “Write it down.” He thumps the desk.
Brian: “We may actually have something.”
Steve: “Finally. Got something.”
MB: I give up. There were three different camera angles that I could count during that scene, but neither guy is acting at all excited during this last bit, so was that real or was it Memorex?
TM: Re-enactment. Steve refused to make a fool of himself, so it’s a low-key re-enactment, is all. We’re supposed to think it’s midnight, remember?
MB: But why would they bother to re-enact such a nothing scene? We don’t see anything, and they don’t seem to, either. That’s just…
TM: Stupid.
THE FINDINGS
Eastern State Penitentiary
Monday 8:26 P.M.
Brian: “Now let me show you what I caught last night on film. This was at like 12 o’clock at night. We were both – me and Steve were both drained after looking – we got started at 10 o’clock in the morning. We saw this – I saw it. Steve didn’t know what it was. It was pretty cool, so – right now.”
TM: Ha. So they found whatever it is after they had been looking at evidence for 14 hours?
MB: So is what we’re watching now a re-enactment, too?
TM: I think it’s safe to assume anything and everything in the TAPS trailer is canned.
MB: Well, that’s just…
Grant: “Do that again.”
Jason: “You’re talking something right here?”
Brian: “Yes.”
Grant “Ah – that’s weird.”
Jason: “I don’t know. It looks like it’s a big object or you’re just catching piece of the camera pixellating around it…”
What we see is a figure or part of a figure rising up from out of the floor, whirling around and vanishing.
MB: I’m feeling pixilated, myself. That looks like an apparition. They have to re-enact the first time Jason and Grant see this? I don’t get it.
TM: Maybe Jason spit coffee all over the monitor during the first run-through.
Brian: “Well, Steve said – Steve said it actually looks like there was somebody sitting there, and they get up and leave. But, there’s nobody in there…”
Grant: “All right, show that again.” The clip is rerun. “What the frig?”
Brian: “And something I noticed, too – the camera is actually reflecting off this. Now watch when it manifests…”
Grant: “It cuts that right out.”
Brian: “It cuts it right out.”
Grant: “Look at that. It’s gone. All of a sudden this thing’s there. It’s not like it was there the whole time.”
Jason: “No, but it’s still there.”
Grant: “It looks like it’s forming out of nowhere and then just bolts down the hallway. Watch. There it is and then – see ya. See – it’s there now.”
Jason: “I think this was the time – around the time we were eating dinner, so that would mean everybody, even the people from the Eastern State Penitentiary, were outside with us.”
Brian: “Yeah, and it’s like – and the thing is, it coincides with the story because they see this thing walking down that corridor…”
Grant: “That’s wild.”
MB: He’s not excited at all. None of them are. Even Brian is barely breaking a sweat.
TM: Oh, yeah. Re-enactment. For whatever reasons. Maybe they wet themselves the first time.
Brian: “…into the – into the cell and this is probably – that may be where it actually manifests and actually takes off. I mean, too bad we didn’t have a camera down the corridor. We could actually follow it the whole way.
Jason: “I’m tellin’ ya – it looks like somebody in a cape. You know (chuckling, humorlessly), it’s just – if – if nobody was up there screwin’ around.”
Grant: “It’s the way it comes into the shot is blowing me away.”
Jason: “I understand what you’re saying, Grant. It’s like it’s just – boom – it’s there.”
Grant: “Vruup. It starts to get solid and then decides, ‘ah, screw this.’”
TM: There’s a new sound effect for speed. I like vruup better than pewww or zzzzt.
Jason: “Nice job, Bri. I’ll give you that.”
Grant: “Yeah, definitely.”
Jason: “But now I want to know what it is.”
MB: You’re right. They probably did wet themselves. Now they’re all so cool about it. Humph.
TM: They didn’t even call each other dude, not once in this whole thing.
MB: Ack. You’re right. Not a single dude. Those double-dealing knaves.
THE DAY JOB
Wednesday 2:45 P.M.
The Abbey
Replace sink/faucet
Jason and Grant still work for Roto-Rooter. Roto-Rooter must have very flexible flex-time.
MB: Where are the wives, these days? Was Philadelphia last week a vacation?
TM: The wives are probably vacationing in Reno. These guys are never home.
Jason: “You know what – I did want to talk to you about Eastern State Penitentiary. I gotta be honest, because what I see? Honestly, in that footage, if I didn’t know any better, Grant, that white thing down at the bottom? If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was a pant leg.”
Grant: “Yeah, you’ve got a good point. It’s been eating me up. It’s…”
Jason: “I want to make sure nobody’s pulling the wool over our eyes.”
Grant: “Right. I mean, we’ve seen a lot of crap together, and that’s like nothing we’ve ever seen.”
Jason: “I honestly think we need to go back, and not even for one night. Go back for like two nights. Are you okay with that?”
Grant: “That’s fine. Just got to run it by our wives, you know?”
Jason: “I don’t think they’ll have an issue about it when we explain to them that it’s – you know, for the credibility of – what we’ve built – TAPS.”
MB: Yeah. That will work.
Grant: “I think that’s a good call. We’ll go and we’ll hit it all with everything we got.”
Jason: “Probably bring Brian Bell on this one.”
Grant: “Why?” (looking dubious)
Jason, laughing: “Just to see how it’s going to go.”
Grant pulls a face, then nods and grins. “Okay.”
MB: The FIEND!
TM: Cool! I like the Battling Brians.
Jason: “All right. Let’s get this done, c’mon, so we can get out of here.”
Magically the sink installation is done, the water faucet works, Jason throws water on Grant playfully.
Back at the TAPS trailer, Brian just happens to be there staring at a computer screen when Jason arrives home.
Jason: “Hey, bro.”
Brian: “Hey, dude. What’s up?”
Jason: “Not much. Hey – um, that footage that we got from the penitentiary – you know, our reputation is on the line with that.”
Brian: “Oh, definitely.”
Jason: “I honestly think that we should send it out to some post house or somebody that can digitally enhance it, maybe lighten it up, get a better idea of what’s going on there.”
Brian: “All right. Me and Steve were talking about that earlier when we were reviewing evidence. Have to talk to you about it or something cause it’s too dark.”
TM: Someone messed up his lines.
Jason: “Why don’t you look into who we can send it out to and get it sent out and, uh – get it back as quick as we can. Um, I do want to say you – you busted your butt. You did a good job finding that, you and Steve. You know what I mean? That’s a lot of footage you guys gotta look over.”
Brian: “Thanks, man. I appreciate it.”
Jason: “All right.”
Brian: “Cool. Thanks, man, I appreciate it.” They shake hands. Jason slaps his arm.
MB: STOP THANKING HIM, BRIAN.
Jason: “No problem.” I’ll see you later.”
Brian: “All right, bro.”
Brian interviews about the potential significance of his find: “That thing we saw in Cell Block 12 – after I beef up the brightness and see what it really is, you know, if that is a manifestation or something, then that’s – that’s a really really good thing to catch on film.”
MB: Yes, and it’s your get-out-of-jail-free card for the rest of the episode. That’s why Jason is bringing Brian Bell. He can’t yell at Brian Harnhois now that he’s found a “full body apparition.” Ha!
TM: Isn’t it time for a little lunch before we go back to Philadelphia?
MB: Yeah.
TM: Can we have cheese steaks?
MB: No.
Tags: Al Capone, Eastern State Penitentiary, Fortean, ghost hunting, ghosts, Hobbs, Philadelphia, Quakers, TAPS, Willie Sutton
