Straight Out Haunted, Maybe

The Talking Mongoose does an enhanced recap of episode 3 of the first season of the semi-reality show Ghost Hunters. After the episode, Mme. Blahblatsky and the Talking Mongoose have a very small round table discussion and issue their opinions on the Ouija Board.

Disclaimer:

I don’t do transcripts, so if you want transcripts, you’re out of luck. Try back when Mme. Blahblatsky is on duty. But because Mme. B. is insanely fond of inane conversations, I will include some, as I am not heartless. But not all, because there are too damn many. Anything I quote is not mine. I couldn’t have made this stuff up if I tried. Pilgrim Films and Television, Inc. is totally responsible for all quotes and characters.

Previously on Ghost Hunters, we ended up at the Lighthouse Inn, New London, Connecticut, with too many Brians, and a broken-necked bride scorned by Mme. B. Tonight, TAPS tempers get testier.

THE INVESTIGATION 1:02 P.M.

How very Ten-Thirteenish. We’re going to be very scientific and professional tonight, I think.

The TAPS gang – Jason, Grant, Brian, Steve, Donna, the demonologist twins Carl and Keith, Brian Bell, and some woman gnawing gum – is gathered at this Connecticut shore mansion-turned-inn where we left them last week. Grant says the gum-chewer is Kristin, one of their field investigators, “and she’s also Brian Bell’s girlfriend.” Yeah, she’s not a real investigator. No one can seriously hunt ghosts and chew gum at the same time. I bet she smokes in real life.

Brian Bell is being all “communications manager.” He wants to know “what happens, when it happens,” and listen up dopes – “time is important, location is important.” State the obvious much? He’s the kind of guy who becomes a policeman so he can order people around.

Grant directs his crew to cover the basement, the staircase and the “room” of the “bride.” I have to say here I’m with Mme. B. about the boringness of brides falling down stairwells on their wedding days. I say it’s bunk, and not just because of this.

Jason wants Brian to walk through the tunnels with the “night shot camera” which means infrared I guess. No goggles. I wonder what happened to the goggles.

We see Jason shown doing the “I created TAPS” spiel again. We already know, but I expect we will be told many more times. L’etat c’est Jason. And Grant makes it clear we’re not to get overly familiar. “When it comes to Jason and his personal experience that got him trying to find answers, he and I both have had experience that just – you can’t do anything but start to question and, uh, you know, they’re too personal to share.”

Well, fine! Be that way!

THE DINING ROOM

Brian Harnois (our dude), Brian Bell, and Steve are setting up the DVR equipment. Brian H. is getting in Brian Bell’s face with annoying questions. Brian B. gets territorial and huffy – its “my system, my baby.”

Mistake. When Brian H. tattles to Jason, Jason goes big dog: “It’s not his baby. It’s my baby.”

Brian H. then goes sycophant dog and says he’s not taking orders from anyone but Jason and Grant.

Jason: “That’s correct. If there’s an issue, his car is outside. He can go home.” Jason is all pissy about Brian Bell when he isn’t face-to-face with him.

So the two Brians are fighting over getting to set up the computer equipment and being Jason’s chief whipping boy. That’s sad. But pointless, because Jason prefers Brian H. to be his whipping boy, maybe because Brian B. is smarter than Brian H., and bigger than Jason.

Brian Bell and Jason have a back-and-forth about when he was supposed to show up. It’s sort of off-camera, as Brian is gesticulating in silhouette, and Jason is hiding behind the van. Brian B. complains that Brian H. is treating him “like a fucking two-year old. He’s getting a little cocky tonight and I don’t like it.”

With the preliminary leg-lifting out of the way, it’s time to turn off the lights and get to work. Brian Bell has to issue an order, though. He wants radio silence on those walkie-talkies. Except, of course, for all the times everyone is supposed to report in to him, Brian Bell, Communications Manager.

Jason announces that the fun begins now. To clarify, the tour and the interviews are not fun. Well, that was last week. We’re having fun now.

THE INVESTIGATION 2:05 A.M.

Cameras roll through the kitchen, inn corridor, basement, and somewhere else.

Jason says something already seems to be going on in the kitchen. We follow him down, where Grant has heard something.

Grant: “It sounded like it took a dutch oven and went bam! Dropped it right here.”

Jason: “All right. Dutch oven. What is it?”

Grant: “Cast iron?”

Jason: “All right.” He chortles. He has no clue what a Dutch oven is.

Grant and Alicia, the inn reservation manager, were looking for a light switch when they heard a loud bang. Per Grant, it sounded like someone had dropped a Dutch oven to the floor from chest height. Grant picks up various stock pots and drops them. A chef might find this annoying. At least Grant didn’t hear china smashing.

Alicia says the sound of steel and aluminum pots crashing to the floor is too quiet, and thinks the object was something heavier. Nothing is found to explain the noise. But it wasn’t recorded, so it’s useless to us.

Yet again, Jason is announcing the impending tunnel exploration. “Brian Harnois is going to be going downstairs into the basement and crawling through the tunnel.” This is said as if Brian is going to spacewalk without tether. This one’s for you, Mme. B.

Jason: “He’ll go in with an infrared camera and then he’ll be able to see and then he’ll bring me back some information and let me know what’s going on down there.”

Brian H: “We’re going to go for it. We’re going to catch something tonight. Ready, Steve?”

Steve: “Let’s roll.”

Brian: “Let’s rock ‘n roll.”

This would be so much better if he were wearing those goggles.

Steve is wearing a miner’s light on his head. He reveals he has an issue with insects – “spiders specifically.” So he’s being very brave going down into these tunnels. Why didn’t Jason make a fuss over that? Steve takes some EMF readings. Brian says that 0.2 to 0.6 milligauss is an average base reading of the room, so if it spikes above that, paranormal stuff is happening. Or not. It actually seems to be much too complicated to explain to us, and Brian may not be the best person to explain it. We don’t have time for it anyway, as Brian is busy asking if anyone is there, and Steve is calling urgently for a thermometer.

He has found “a wicked cold spot.” Kristin says it was just 90 degrees and now it’s 69. They’re in an underground tunnel made of stone, and it was 90 degrees? Steve compares the spot to putting his hand in a freezer. Which, at 69 degrees, is at best a cooler needing more ice. Okay, whatever. But I think Donna should be working the thermometer, not gum-chewing girlfriend. Where is Donna anyway?

Steve has decided they’ve got a ghost within reach, and he wants to trap it by coming at it from two directions in the tunnel. I don’t think this is going to work. The slipperiness of raw eggs comes to mind. But Steve divides them up, and goes off to one end of the tunnel by himself. Brian, Kristin, and the camera crew are a number of feet away, presumably on the other side of the cold spot. Steve squats down, his miner light still on. “I’m going to go completely dark.” He turns his little headlight off, but we can still see him in the night-vision of our camera.

THE INVESTIGATION 3:38 A.M.

Upstairs, Keith and Grant are at the blighted bride’s staircase. Keith is feeling things, and starts his EVP recorder. He says “3:00 a.m. is the high point. ‘Psychic hours’ as they’re called, are between 12 a.m. and 6 a.m.” He’s expecting things to act up.

And so they are. Down in the basement tunnel, Steve is feeling a cold spot across his back, which is not a breeze, just “dead air.” As it were. We see Steve in black-and-white night vision, huddled with his back to a wall. He says either shh or shit and drops his head.

Brian thinks he sees something. “We got something walking toward us, man. Helloooo!” There is jangly music to tell us to get nervous. The screen splits so we can see both Steve and Brian. Given that they’re in a tunnel, it’s surprisingly hard to tell where they are in relation to each other and their camera crew. Which is too bad because we’re at the high point of the night, just like Keith said.

Steve: “Brian, I got a cold on my back right now.”

Brian has no time for Steve and his stupid cold spot. “Dude, there’s somebody walking down toward us. Hellooo. Is anybody there? There’s somebody standing right over there, guys.” Our camera shows nothing. Neither does Brian’s camera, it would seem. Nobody else sees anything. “Can’t get ‘em. It’s not picking up. Hel-LO!”

There is a close-up of Steve hunkered down, eyes shining. He looks kind of odd.

Brian Bell on radio, not maintaining radio silence at a really really inconvenient time, radios: “Brian H.?”

Brian H: “Uh, not right now, bro.: He creeps forward. “Give us a sign of your presence… I got a perfect shot now. (pause) Nobody down there now.”

Hunh. That’s a shame. But meanwhile

Steve: “Brian?”

Brian: “What?”

Steve: “I’m getting touched.”

Brian: “You serious?”

Steve: “I’m serious. Get the fuck over here.”

Brian, herding Kristin and assorted film crew: “Go go go go go.”

Kristin, muttering: “Well, I can’t see…” There is much stumbling over debris.

Brian: “You’ve been touched – that’s awesome, man.”

We see Steve, still crouched, looking pretty disturbed.

Brian: “Where? Where where?”

Steve: “Right fucking here, man.”

Kristin: “What part of you?”

Steve: “Right on the back. Right the back of my neck.” He isn’t moving – he’s acting like he’s been injured and is afraid to move.

Brian: “Is there anybody down here?

Fer crissakes shut UP Brian. The music shrills and the camera zooms crazily. Whee!

THE TUNNELS 3:13 A.M.

We have to hear Brian say again: “You’ve been touched. That’s awesome, man.” because the television audience lost its memory during the former commercial break.

Brian: “Right on your back?”

Steve: “Right on my back, dude.”

Brian: “Is he still there?”

Steve shakes his head slightly. “Nope.” It looks to me as if he’s about to cry, and he’s very still. Mind you, I’d probably cry, too if I were him, and I’m just pointing this out because it’s interesting that he doesn’t cry. That’s will power. I’d instantly believe a ghost touched him if he did cry, though.

Brian: “That’s awesome, man.”

Steve: “Definite pressure on my back, like somebody was nudging against me. It lasted about four or five seconds. I was semi-frozen. I couldn’t get a voice to come out (he is blinking a lot) for a couple seconds.”

Brian: “You all right?”

Steve: “Yeah. It’s weird.”

Brian: “Okay, guy – stand up. You’re good. There’s nothing behind you.”

Steve finally moves and unfolds himself. He is wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. He has many many tattoos, large ones, so he has a lot of practice not crying. I’m starting to believe we just saw something majorly paranormal. Okay, we didn’t exactly see it, but almost as good.

Jason is walking around by himself, looking for whatever, saying most people are too scared to walk alone around a haunted place. I would be impressed that Jason is so brave, if it weren’t for the camera crew following him.

Keith has been sent to the tunnel in the wake of Steve’s experience, to try to collect EVP’s from the ghost. I think we can call it a ghost now. I hope Carl is there, too, but it’s impossible to tell. Keith is much more formal than Brian in requesting information. “In the name of God, please communicate now. Give us a sign of your presence.”

But that’s it for the night. The crew is packing everything up and “getting the hell out.”

Steve is anything but traumatized by his close encounter. “Tonight went really well. I haven’t felt this way about a haunted location in a long time. I’m still pumped. My heart is still racing from just the, uh – just being touched in the cold spot. It was really nice.” For our memory books, though, we get to see him looking like a deer in the headlights again.

Steve demonstrates to Brian Bell the amount of pressure he felt on his back.

Brian Bell: “That’s like a good ten, fifteen pounds of pressure.”

Steve: “It was amazing.”

It’s kind of great seeing someone get such pleasure out of being terrified. Like watching people scream on rollercoasters.

THE LIGHTHOUSE INN 5:43 A.M.

Donna says they’re too tired to be drawing any conclusions about what they’ve experienced (where was she all night? And, uh, everybody else?), but Brian is in no mood to be cautious. He expostulates to Steve: “Plain and simple, I don’t care what anybody says. I don’t care what Jason says (he’s counting on his fingers, something he must have learned from Grant), I don’t care what Grant says – just because he got touched and what I saw down in the tunnel, this place is haunted (chops hand sideways vigorously), straight out haunted.” Steve nods.

Despite his encounter with the phantom Dutch oven, Grant joins with professional stick-in-the-mud Jason in refusing to admit the Lighthouse Inn has at least one ghost. All those tiresome tapes have to be examined first. I can’t believe I’m allied with Brain here. Brian.

Jason shuffles through his front door in daylight, talking about how the life of plumbing all day and ghost-hunting all night really wears and tears on a guy. A baby squalls somewhere in the house. I hope he doesn’t repeat that observation to the wife taking care of three kids 24/7.

TAPS HEADQUARTERS

Lighthouse Inn Data Analysis 3:27 P.M.

Steve and Brian are looking at camera evidence and find an orb. There’s a bang we never heard before. Steve leans down to place his ear next to a hand-held dictaphone, listening for EVP’s, which seems kind of low-tech for him. We hear a recording of Brian Harnois saying “Are you the maintenance guy that’s said to be down here…” Hey – they didn’t tell us about that. WTF? What maintenance guy? We had to listen to all that drivel about a bride, which seems to have led exactly nowhere. Not fair. This whole pretend-analysis section is dead air anyway. My new favorite analogy.

THE FINDINGS

Lighthouse Inn

TAPS HEADQUARTERS 10:16 P.M.

Brian and Steve present the evidence to Jason and Grant. I have questions – why is it only Brian and Steve who have to go through all those tedious evidence tapes? Shouldn’t Jason and Grant be helping out? This is their baby after all. Do they pay Brian and Steve, or do they expect them to do it for the glory? If they don’t pay them, is it fair to yell at them when they screw up?

We are shown a supposed orb of light shooting around the stairwell. Grant is dismissive. “You want to look for an orb that’s going to be emitting its own light rather than one that just kinda looks like it’s obstructing the view.”

Jason explains orbs as collections and balls of energy that come from everywhere. What is he talking about? Ball lightning?

Now Steve says he told Brian it was dust, but it’s funny how it turns suddenly. Jason says the a.c. was blowing all directions that night. I get the impression that TAPS used to believe orbs were paranormal, and is now shifting to the orbs-as-dust line. Because otherwise, why are they discussing dust balls?

Following the non-orb, a flash of light on the stair is shown, but there’s a line of interference in the same shot. Jason says they never got that on the infrared camera before, but the interference automatically disqualifies it as evidence. Brian suggests that the thing producing the light may have interfered with the camera, which makes some sense, but can’t be proved. They will keep this bit private – “that’s one for us and not for the public.

[Also unmentioned, if you look at the camera crew’s camera during the split screen period immediately before Steve says he’s touched, and right after Brian has said he’s lost sight of whatever it was he thought he saw, an interference wave goes through the screen. I’m not saying anything. It was just – interesting. Brian’s ghost is never mentioned again, so we have to assume it was one of those anomalies in his head.}

There are no EVP’s from the inn. Grant’s Dutch oven wasn’t recorded. They have no hard evidence of anything. All they’ve got is the temperature drop Kristin noted, and Steve being touched. What to do?

Jason: “Steve’s a police officer and, uh – that definitely raises his credibility when he states that he believes he was touched in the tunnels. I am willing to trust that.” Hunh. They’ve been keeping that bit under their hats. And you know if it had been Brian, Jason would have tossed it completely. As it is, he’s kind of at a loss. “So then, what’s the scenario of it? We’re – we’re stating that there’s something going on there – but…”

Grant is firm. “We can tell them what we experience but we gotta tell them we can’t go out into the public and say that we have evidence that that place is haunted because we don’t have any evidence.”

Bummer.

Brian: “My personal opinion – it’s haunted.” Jason nods. Steve says nothing. Steve the Stoic.

THE DAY JOB

The big guys are pushing pipes and plotting their next adventure as they “work.” Jason tells Grant about a call from Brian regarding the 19^th century John Stone Tavern, a case Brian has purportedly turned up. “John Stone haunts the place himself.” Also, a little girl who was hit by a train nearby and died in the building is supposed to be there, along with her clothing.

Jason: “The list goes on, man. Cool part – it used to be part of the Underground Railroad, man.”

Here we go. Damn. I have to transcribe this because I cannot describe the lameness.

Grant: “Really?”

Jason: “Yeah, it’s awesome.”

Grant: “Sweet! So there’s like tunnels and stuff.”

Jason: “Supposedly tunnels – you know – passageways and stuff like that so, uh…”

Yeah, which probably lead to an Indian burial ground, with a weeping bride and and – a monk! Why is it that everyone with a haunted coal cellar thinks his house was on the Underground Railroad? And why does everyone seem to think that the Underground Railroad was actually underground? Sheesh.

Anyway, they’re going to do it. What shall they bring? How about some paint? Grant has to climb into any tunnels because Jason is twice his weight.

THE REVEAL

Lighthouse Inn

Jason and Grant travel back to New London to give their non-news. There is the usual speculation about the client’s reaction. I usually hate this part. But this time it’s kind of fascinating. I think the guys are feeling a little lamer than usual, what with knowing there’s a ghost they can’t verify, and so they deflect, big time.

Grant: I think they’ve fallen in love with the idea that there’s a ghost there and they’ve embraced it.”

Jason: “There are those places that people want to label as haunted – look at the guy we had build a speaker into his wall to trick us to believe that the place was haunted… you know?”

Grant: “Too many people jump to the conclusion that a place is – that it’s a haunting – like that case we were on where we heard the banging on the wall in the middle of the night, you know…”

Jason: “The frickin’ neighbor and his girlfriend going to town. That was awesome.”

Grant: “It’s just – that’s annoying because we take the time, we drive out there, we’re concerned…”

Jason: “That’s the thing. I just get tired of weeding through all the b.s. to try to find the truth sometimes.”

MULDER! Where have you been? Poor little ghost hunters, wandering around with their lanterns trying to find an honest man. Notice they’re not talking about the Lighthouse Inn. They’re talking about other places, and by the way, this speaker story sounds really familiar – did it actually happen to them? Because I think I read about it happening to someone else, involving music, and a practical joke that spread too thin. Or maybe it happens all the time to ghost hunters. If someone really did put a speaker into a wall to fool them, I think they ought to be grateful, because that’s a lot of work, and it’s a great story. If it’s true.

Jason continues: “but – this is everything I’ve worked up to on the line.”

It is unclear as to whether he is saying it’s worth the hassle, or if he’s more outraged, but let’s hope it’s the former. Because disenchanted Jason is even less fun than cranky Jason.

They sit down with Federico, the inn manager, who looks sort of scary when he’s not smiling, and he’s not this week. Jason dives in and talks fast.

Jason: “I have to actually say there’s some kind of activity going on in this place. I’m not sure what it is yet.”

Well, it’s not a Cub Scout meeting. And it’s not an infestation of bats. What could it be???

Jason tells Federico about Steve being touched and how Steve’s a police officer, and that Brian and Kristin “witnessed a temperature change from 20 to 30 degrees and then right back up” during the same time.

Grant: “That’s severe even for us as paranormal investigators. That’s a good drop.” Grant does not mention tossing the inn’s stock pots around the kitchen.

Jason keeps talking fast: “But does that state that the place is haunted? (heh – Jason when excited has significant regional vowel accent vowels – hostage, haunted) No because you know we can’t go by feelings, we gotta go by evidence. We have to list it as an inconclusive investigation, which is good – we’re not saying the place isn’t haunted which is a very good benefit.”

Federico: “Whew. I’m not going to be scared any more.” (I’m not sure if he’s for real, or being faux-sincere aka sarcastic)

Jason: “The pressure’s off you.”

Federico: “Thank you.”

Jason wants to leave business cards in case people who experience things want to get in touch with him. “Because there’s something going on here. We’re just not a hundred percent sure what it is.” And we’ve got other tunnels to explore.

They give Federico a TAPS cap as a consolation prize.

INVESTIGATION #2

John Stone Tavern

On the way to Massachusetts, Jason is gloating in the van about the way Federico “was like he was sweatin’ like waitin’ for us to – ‘eeowww – we don’t believe anything about that place’.” There is much cackling from both. Power so corrupts.

They discuss letting the two Brians battle it out in a room. Then they pull up to a big Federal brick inn with a double-story white columned porch across the front, and an Irish Matthew Murphy in a chef’s outfit waiting for them. John Stone’s face on the sign does not have the most welcoming expression.

Grant does his motif line. “We’re TAPS. We’re here to help.” Virtual pebbles descend upon him, in Mme. B’s name.

Tavern owner Murphy says he’s heard stuff when spending the night in the building, but figured – eh, “it’s an old building.”

But tavern manager Theresa McDonell says they’ve had “some trouble keeping staff due to some excitement and activity in the building.” She gives Jason and Grant a tour: the room where John Stone allegedly shot a cheater in a poker game, the basement that causes goosebumps, the tunnel “from the Underground Railroad,” the room where the little girl supposedly died after being hit by the train, and then, up in the attic in a dubious heap on the joists, the little girl’s skirt and pinafore.

Grant: “Was that the dress the girl had on when she died?”

Theresa: “I’m not a hundred percent sure.”

Somebody from makeup – get that turnip dust off of Grant before it orbs.

She shows them another room where the little girl is supposedly seen. Lisa Whiting, bartender, says unconvincingly that she’s seen the little girl’s figure in the window from the parking lot.

The TAPS gang sets up cameras in the poker room and the attic. Grant likes one particular room upstairs, empty except for a few chairs, which is the one the little girl has been seen in. He thinks it has a promising atmosphere. Oh – hunh. I guess it’s not his spidey sense after all.

ATTIC 11:42 P.M.

Brian H: “Hellooo little girl. They say that the little girl actually haunts her dress.”

He’s walking out on the joists. What’s the TAPS insurance plan like?

Brian H: “Coming to get your dress. It looks like there’s blood on it. That’s freaky. I got it! (brings it back) Let’s see what this bad boy looks like. (unfolds remnants) If we leave it right on the side of the camera hopefully it’ll manifest itself and then with the camera we can actually catch it full frontal right here.”

Cringing here. Brain. It’s kind of funny, and kind of not.

Brian Bell is complaining to Jason about Brian Harnois. Jason, elsewhere, pontificates that Brian Bell doesn’t understand that “with time comes seniority.” He counsels him to sit down and have a talk with Brian H. Brian Bell takes a disgusted drag on his cigarette and agrees.

Brian Bell to Brian H: “I’m the communication hub of this place right now. I really want to stress this tonight because we’ve been very unorganized lately it’s been getting’ on my nerves and it’s been eatin’ away at me just because…”

He isn’t going to stop for a breath, so Brian H. has to talk over him. “It’s been getting on my nerves, too.” Brian H. is also smoking. Things must be tense!

Brian Bell continues: “you and every other team member’s safety is my concern my job and my first priority. Everybody’s going to check in with me every. half. hour.”

Brian H. interviews elsewhere, shaking his head: “Eh, you know, Brian Bell, he really gets under my skin. I mean, I forgot more about the paranormal than he’ll ever know.”

The “girls” are creeped out in the ladies’ room. Kristin shows Jason her hands are shaking, and not from coffee. She is still chewing gum, quite visibly. Those darn smoking laws. Gum chewing is really irritating to watch. Donna heard a huhhhh sound, which might have been me.

Brian, still up in the attic, is testifying to his years and years and years and years of paranormal investigating. This allows him to sense when something is present, like right now. He waves his flashlight around. Nothing.

Jason and Grant are using a fiberoptic camera (thanks, Roto-Rooter!) down in the basement to look for all those hidden Underground Railroad passageways and rooms behind the walls. Nothing found but dirt, and Dead Air. Time for lights out.

THE INVESTIGATION

Brian H. is instructing Kristin and Donna as they head upstairs. “If you feel threatened by anything – um, say like we go up there and the little girl is sitting in the corner…”

Yeah, that’s going to happen, and when it does she’s going to go for you, rude Brian.

Donna says she feels shaky, maybe because she is having to balance on 2-inch wide joists in the dark.

Steve wants Brian to ask the little girl if they can take her picture. I say, ask her yourself, because you know Brian is just going to be…

Brian H: “Let us take your picture.”

Rude. But Steve’s camera is not working. It never does that. Brian tells him, “Something does not want you to take a picture up here.”

Brian Bell, elsewhere, is giving his authoritative opinion about something about a portrait of a very somber baby - that it’s an oil painting? Keith says he was told it was a death portrait, and he feels sadness from it.

Keith: “We ask that if there are any children here they do not remain earthbound but that their angels convey them to heaven. Amen.” He closes his eyes as he ends the prayer.

HEY. KEITH IS NOT EVIL. Stupid Brian.

Jason passes off any discomfort caused by the painting. “It’s just a painting.”

ATTIC: 2:49 A.M.

Brian H: “Is there anybody up here in the attic with us tonight? Give us a sign of your presence. Is this you that we are – uh – feeling here?”

If I were a ghost being hunted by Brian Harnois, I would be so… oh, wait. The EMF gauge is going from 0 to 3.9.

Brian H: “It’s never done this before, dude. What’s behind me? Whoa, cold breeze. What’s your temperature reading over there, Kristin?”

Kristin: “Low 60’s. 39. 38.

Donna: “Oh my god.”

Brian H: “That’s just crazy.”

Of course, we never hear again about whatever is happening here. Meanwhile, elsewhere, Brian Bell is taking apart a picture frame for unknown reasons – perhaps to disprove Jason and find a real baby inside it. He hears his name called by a disembodied voice. So do we. It’s – the radio!

THE INVESTIGATION 3:36 A.M.

Jason admits the place is giving him a creepy little feeling. Carl admits to feeling disturbed as well, and Jason gets sort of huffy.

Jason: “I didn’t say I was scared, Carl.”

Carl: “I didn’t say you were scared, either.”

Jason: “I got a creepy little feeling.”

Carl: “Creepy feeling.”

Brian finds an old newspaper in the attic.

4:17 A.M. Third floor hallway

Steve’s camera starts to work again. He finds a door leading to the outside, and shuts it promptly (foreshadowing!) “Why is there a door leading to the outside?” No one knows, but I want to believe it’s a special exit door for the ghosts when they can’t take this chivying anymore.

Thank god – it’s pack-up time.

Outside the tavern, Jason is grinning broadly and atypically: “My gut feeling – I hate to even say this but uh – I believe that whether we caught something on camera or not, I do believe that there’s some kind of activity here. I just hate saying it without the evidence to back it up.”

We know, we know. Because that would be rash.

Matthew, still in his chef’s whites, sees the crew off. No breakfast?

THE ANALYSIS

John Stone Tavern

We get to skip the faux-analysis, and go right to the dirt at the TAPS trailer, at night. Brian and Steve have found an EVP, which someone thinks is saying “we’re not dead.” They wish. It sounds like “I am not,” with nothing about being dead. No footsteps can be heard leading up to it, so unless someone crept in wearing socks, presumably a live person was not recorded. The guys vote the EVP legit.

An “orb” gets classified as dust. But on the same film, shot with a camera left in Grant’s favorite room, where he also left a recorder that picked up the EVP, there’s an oddity. A long narrow light seems to shoot up wall the directly in front of the camera. Shown frame by frame, the light briefly seems to show the chair spindle in profile/shadow, indicating the light source is between the camera and the chair There’s a small reflection of the light in a bit of chair varnish.

Grant and Jason seem cautiously excited, and there’s general agreement that they’re going to have to try to recreate that light in the room.

Grant interviews: “It looks like it is 3-dimensional like it is off the wall ‘cause it’s got a shadow. I mean we see the reflection of it on the chair and I don’t know. It’s just – I – I’ve never seen anything like that.”

Jason: “That light we – at the John Stone Tavern it was – it was hard. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. A lot of people state that when they see an entity it appears in similar forms and before I’m willing to say that’s a ghost I definitely want to go back and try to recreate it.”

Interesting. The light itself is not that impressive, but the circumstances of its being filmed have both Grant and Jason stumbling for words.

Jason, Grant, and Brian H. return to tavern. Matthew waiting on the steps is told he must wait some more. The guys go up to the not-officially-decreed-haunted room and try various combinations of light sources – hall lights, flashlights, car headlights outside. They decide to stay until 2:36 A.M. – the time when the light occurred – to see what, if anything happens.

At 1:13 A.M., Grant discovers he can make an I.R. illuminator – used to “lighten up a dark room” – reproduce the effect, only not really. It’s very vaguely similar. He doesn’t reproduce the intensity or the distinctive spindle shadow on the wall. Brian says the light is a different color. Jason says it’s similar but still different. Light reflects off a large part of the chair, instead of a single spot. No matter. Grant thinks he’s found the explanation. They were using infrared illuminators that night. One possibly could have gone by the doorway, and caused the light on the film. Brian doesn’t agree. Jason says all right. Jason would never not go with disproving. So all they’ve got is the one EVP. Tant pis.

Grant says it’s disappointing to disprove potential evidence, but that’s what they do.

They play the EVP for Matthew, who grins. “That was certainly intriguing.” Jason says he’d like to come back, possibly for two nights. This place, they haven’t given up on. Matthew, “definitely curious” after hearing “that sound,” agrees.

Then Brian presents him with his own newspaper, framed. Jason mentions the strangeness of finding it 164 years to the day after it was printed. But was that before or after midnight?

Jason: “My impression is that there is some sort of paranormal activity at the John Stone Tavern.” At least he doesn’t call the case inconclusive.

Grant: “Sometimes catching a ghost is a success but it’s just as successful to disprove something.” Although, maybe the case is inconclusive to Grant.

Jason: “The feelings I get from being – you know – from being able to disprove that activity and everything else and the outcome of this investigation – um, yeah – I think it was definitely worth missing a day our of work. At this hour we’re really not losing time with the family which makes it a little easier on us.”

We’re sensing mixed feelings here. Whatever. “On to the next!”

THE OUIJA BOARD

Mme. Blahblatsky: Ha. Admit it. You enjoyed this episode.

The Talking Mongoose: It had its moments. It was also 80% snorer, but yeah, it was okay. I mean, they actually found ghosts, whether they were going to admit it or not by their whacky rules of evidence. But I can’t give it a full OUI and JA, because we just don’t have the evidence for it.

MB: So no Ouija Board Seal of Approval?

TM: Not without both of us saying OUIJA, non. It’s inconclusive.

MB: Okay. It’s a DON’T KNOW, but it wasn’t completely terrible.

TM: It wasn’t completely terrible, no thanks to the editors, thanks primarily due to the underappreciated ghosts.

And to remind ourselves of this, here are the bits we liked best.

The Talking Mongoose

Favorite line: “I mean, I forgot more about the paranormal than he’ll ever know.” (Brian Harnhois, about Brian Bell)

Best Moment: Steve getting poked by the ghost in the tunnel of the Lighthouse Inn

Mme. Blahblatsky

Favorite line: “I am the communication hub of this place right now.” (Brian Bell to Brian Harnhois)

Best moment: Keith saying a prayer for ghost children at the John Stone Tavern.

Tags: Brian Bell, Brian Harnhois, electronic voice phenomena, EMF, ghost hunting, ghosts, John Stone Tavern, Lighthouse Inn, orbs, TAPS, tunnels